It's been a month between posts and I haven’t been doing a lot of comedy. I’m at that point in my life where I’m just tired and disillusioned. It’s my not-so-metaphorical fall from grace. And it’s not like I can’t write anymore as much as it is that I don’t want to write anymore.
Here’s a tangent: I’m sick of “comedians.” I’m sick of “the comedy scene”: this racist institution that’s set up so that under-endowed white guys who used to get spit on in high school can feel better by picking on minorities and overusing the word “cunt” and dropping N-bombs like there’s no tomorrow. I’m tired of having to work 2 jobs, 6 days a week so I can get to an open mic and be 27th on a list of scruffy, dirty, asshole mouth-breathers who can’t even string together a decent punchline, make lousy in-jokes with their friends and leave without supporting the show.
Obviously this is based on a recent incident. I went to a mic where this shit happened. As usual it was a parade of dumb white guys (DWGs) with retarded sexual conquest jokes. Which I half-slept through. Of course most of the DWGs have a show (probably in the back of chicken shack, but I digress) and they all leave. I do my set in front of 5 people – whatever. And the next DWG to come feels the need to include me, since I’m the only black guy in the room, by referring to “black people cigarettes” as N*****-Ports. After which, I walked out. And the worst part, as I left, these comics have no idea of why I’m offended.
So why am I so offended? It’s because I hear this shit EVERY SINGLE TIME I go to an open mic. Every time I walk into the cesspool of shit and silence that is a comedy open mic, I am instantly reminded of the fact that I’m black. Because most of these comedians suck, they look for a point of difference and far too often, that becomes, “Oh a black guy! He must be from Kenya. Stop stealing, black guy. Actually you don’t look all that black. Are you Cosby black? Ha ha ha.” And naturally, white comics think I love it. Because clearly since I’m a comedian and a New Yorker who works in corporate America, I’ve never heard a terrible racist joke before.
DWGs, how would you feel if you went into work everyday and got slapped in the face, and then was told that this is part of what helps you grow as a person? Actually some of you sick fucks might get off on it, but I don’t.
I’m sick of it. I’ve been called a “jungle bunny” and “Jamal” on-stage and it’s not funny. I’ve heard horrendous jokes punctuated by the use of an n- word and my jaw drops. So I’m just walking out on bullshit mics now. It’s not worth it anymore.