tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-353824832024-03-07T13:40:15.780-05:00The Trenches Of FameCalvin S. Cato (CSC)http://www.blogger.com/profile/09517910552711210452noreply@blogger.comBlogger170125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35382483.post-86979172638680306842012-07-24T10:03:00.000-04:002012-07-24T10:04:09.275-04:00New WebsiteAs some of you may be able to tell with your reading of timestamps, I haven't updated this in a loooong time.
My new home is at my website: <a href="http://www.calvincato.com/site">www.calvincato.com/site</a>
Or if that link doesn't work, use <a href="http://www.calvincato.com">www.calvincato.com</a>
Hope you guys all mosey along to the new site soon!Calvin S. Cato (CSC)http://www.blogger.com/profile/09517910552711210452noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35382483.post-21236498842454077662010-06-06T13:23:00.003-04:002010-06-06T13:26:27.339-04:00This Week's Calendar o' ShowsAlso, here's a quick calendar of more cool places I'm performing at this week! All these shows are free, so see me now before I get all Dane Cook stadium famous and sheeit!<br /><br />6/6 - Hostel at 106th and Central Park West @ 9:00 pm<br /><br />6/8 - Brooklyn Nights @ 9 pm<br />(497 DeKalb Ave - in Brooklyn)<br /><br />6/9 - Pacific Standard Bar (Wade Wilson Comedy Show) @ 8:00 pm<br />(82 4th Avenue between Bergen and St. Marks - in Brooklyn)<br /><br />6/10 - Identity Bar Comedy Mic/Show Hybrid Thing @ 7 pm<br />(511 East 6th Street just east of Avenue A)<br /><br />Plus, I'll be at Broadway Comedy Club at some point this week. Check the rosters!Calvin S. Cato (CSC)http://www.blogger.com/profile/09517910552711210452noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35382483.post-60228159643581115182010-06-06T13:16:00.004-04:002010-06-06T13:18:56.699-04:00Game Show NetworkOkay, so people sometimes ask me: "Hey Calvin what's your television credit?" <br /><br />Well, I am two friends were on a show called Chain Reaction, which is on the Game Show Network, a network in the triple digits of cable television that very few people watched. Finally after years of un-salutary nelect I can share a copy with the world. <br /><a href="http://vimeo.com/11484979"><br />Here is the direct link.</a> And below is the video itself. Enjoy!<br /><br /><object width="400" height="300"><param name="allowfullscreen" value="true" /><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always" /><param name="movie" value="http://vimeo.com/moogaloop.swf?clip_id=11484979&server=vimeo.com&show_title=1&show_byline=1&show_portrait=0&color=&fullscreen=1" /><embed src="http://vimeo.com/moogaloop.swf?clip_id=11484979&server=vimeo.com&show_title=1&show_byline=1&show_portrait=0&color=&fullscreen=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" allowscriptaccess="always" width="400" height="300"></embed></object><p><a href="http://vimeo.com/11484979">Chain Reaction</a> from <a href="http://vimeo.com/jordanschulkin">Jordan Schulkin</a> on <a href="http://vimeo.com">Vimeo</a>.</p>Calvin S. Cato (CSC)http://www.blogger.com/profile/09517910552711210452noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35382483.post-43376861584496842202010-05-30T11:45:00.004-04:002010-05-30T12:07:33.328-04:00ECNY Nominee (?!) and Free Show June 9th!I figure it's time for the monthly announcement and show plugs. And a pat on the back to me - apparently I was nominated for an ECNY award...what?! I didn't even write my name in. Well thank you to the mystery Joe (or Jane) who did that. I HIGHLY doubt I'll win but either way I appreciate the support. <br /><br />Anyway, my friend Justin Murray and I run a really awesome show in Park Slope. The last show was packed out and talked about on the interwebs: <a href="http://bococaland.com/blog/2010/05/05/laugh-along-with-brooklyn/">See the following link</a>. This show promises to be just as heavy hitting!<br /><br />Pacific Standard Bar<br />June 9th 2010 - 8 PM<br />82 4th Avenue<br />Brooklyn, NY 11217<br />(718) 858-1951<br /><br />Hosted by me and Justin Murray (Astoria Comedy Competition, UG Show @ Identity Bar)<br /><br />Featuring:<br /><br />Leah Bonnema (WeTV, XM Radio, USO Tour in Iraq)<br />Jeff Kreisler (author of Get Rich Cheating, Comedy Central, IFC)<br />Rob O'Reilly (Comedy Central's Live At Gotham, Tonight Show with Jay Leno)<br />Joe Dixon (featured in AM New York, America's African-American Atheist)<br />Beth MacGregor (Comic Strip Live)<br />Josh Guarino (critically acclaimed show Cobra Clutch @ Moonshine)<br /><br />I'll be updating this more often with shows (I'm doing soooooooo many, ya know) so stay tuned.Calvin S. Cato (CSC)http://www.blogger.com/profile/09517910552711210452noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35382483.post-70963887123896168562010-04-01T10:08:00.004-04:002010-04-01T10:14:11.309-04:00Two Articles, A Guy, and a GigWell...I finally did it. I was tangentially mentioned in not one but two articles featuring other comedians! Both are comedians I rally like and respect, so it's a good day to tell jokes (in theory). <br /><br />The first one is of Mike Lawrence, and while I'm not called out by name, I am "the host" so that ought to mean something:<br /><br />http://insidenewyork.com/2010/03/31/a-late-night-out-with-mike-lawrence/<br /><br />The second one does mention me by name and features up-and-coming talent Jen Perney. Thanks so much to Jen for putting me up on her show and letting me do 20 minutes:<br /><br />http://www.examiner.com/x-8546-NY-Acting-and-Performance-Arts-Examiner~y2010m3d30-One-Wet-Smutty-Broad-An-interview-with-Jen-Perney<br /><br />AND FOR REALZ FINALLY:<br /><br />I'll be performing at Del's wonderful show, Sucre tonight! The cost is $5 and there's really good wine. Come on...isn't it time you paid to see me?<br /><br />SUCRE - Thursday, 7:30 PM <br />520 DeKalb Avenue (at the corner of Bedford Avenue)<br /><br />Take the G to Bedfore-Nostrand and wander around there.Calvin S. Cato (CSC)http://www.blogger.com/profile/09517910552711210452noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35382483.post-83098443514447670092010-03-23T09:46:00.002-04:002010-03-23T09:50:52.533-04:00Also....More Places To See My Comedic TalentsAnd, while I'm updating here are some other shows I'm in that are worth checking out this week:<br /><br />March 23, 2010: UG SHow at Identity Bar<br />8 PM, Free<br />511 E 6th St between Avenue A and B<br /><br />March 24, 2010: So You Think You Can Stand @ Comix Ochi's Lounge<br />9 PM, Free, 1-item minimum<br />353 West 14th Street (just east of 9th Avenue)<br /><br />March 25, 2010: Your Parent's Basement @ Identity Bar<br />7 PM, Free, 1-drink minimum (drink specials: $3-5 drinks)<br />511 E 6th St between Avenue A and BCalvin S. Cato (CSC)http://www.blogger.com/profile/09517910552711210452noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35382483.post-44808788385994265412010-03-23T09:45:00.001-04:002010-03-23T09:46:33.105-04:00Nouveau Poor Comedy Showcase: March 26th!Want a wonderful way to end March and start spring? Come check out this free low-income comedy showcase featuring the best entertainment this side of the Hudson River. This is the only monthly showcase that can guarantee 100% Talent, 0% Health Insurance.<br /><br />DATE: March 26, 2010 (Friday)<br />LOCATION: Comix (Ochi's Lounge downstairs) - 353 West 14th Street east of 9th Ave<br />TIME: 7:00 PM - 8:30 PM<br />COST: No cover, 1-item minimum<br /><br />Hosted by:<br />Naomi Ekperigin (Australia Comedy, SXSW)<br /><br />Comedy By:<br />Calvin S. Cato (Game Show Network, Stand-Up New York, Naked Comedy Show)<br />Dan Wilbur (North Carolina Comedy Arts Festival)<br />Dan Mahoney (Haiku Comedy Show)<br />Kara Klenk (Spike TV, Nickelodeon, Karma's If You Build It)<br />JL Cauvin (Late Show With Craig Ferguson, Boston Comedy Festival)<br /><br />Sketchprov by:<br />Black Boxes In The Corner (2009 Creek's Fall Camp Festival, Under St. Marks Theatre)Calvin S. Cato (CSC)http://www.blogger.com/profile/09517910552711210452noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35382483.post-89944125270358298222010-02-16T11:25:00.003-05:002010-02-16T11:28:27.686-05:00Nouveau Poor Comedy Show - Friday Feb 26 2010Blah blah blah, clever paragraph about show here. Free prizes are raffled off! Wins include free T-shirts, cans of soup, an 80s exercise booklet and a tote bag. <br /><br />TITLE: Nouveau Poor<br />LOCATION: Comix – 353 West 14th Street (just east of 9th Avenue)<br />COST: Free, 1-item minimum<br />DATE: February 26th, 2010<br />TIME: 7:00 PM – 8:30 PM<br /><br />Comedy By: <br />Lisa Kaplan (Here TV’s Hot Gay Comics, Curve Magazine)<br />Brendan Fitzgibbons (The Onion, McSweeney’s)<br />Amy Beckerman (Comix’s Dykes on Mics, MTV’s FN-MTV)<br />Al Alvarez (Comix’s So You Think You Can Stand)<br />Rachael Parenta (Portland Comedy Festival, New York Underground Comedy Festival)<br /><br />Sketchprov by:<br />Black Boxes In The Corner (Boston Improv Troop)<br /><br />See you soon!Calvin S. Cato (CSC)http://www.blogger.com/profile/09517910552711210452noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35382483.post-53712009148823805182010-01-20T18:30:00.003-05:002010-01-20T18:56:19.937-05:00Two Big Shows - One Great Comedy ExperienceAhoy Hoy Fans/Frenemies,<br /><br />If you see only one show this month, be sure to make it Nouveau Poor. This free show features stand-ups and a musician trying to make you laugh...and hopefully getting hired full time. Everyone in the audience gets a free resume! <br /><br />Nouveau Poor:<br />January 22nd (Friday, This Friday!)<br />WHERE: Comix Downstairs Room - 353 West 14th Street (just east of 9th Avenue), Manhattan<br />WHEN: 7:00 pm (arrive by 6:45 pm) - 8:30 pm<br />COST: FREE!!<br /><br />Featuring:<br />Adrienne Iapalucci (New York Comedy Festival, featured in the New York Times)<br />Justin Murray (UG! Show, Astoria Comedy Competition)<br />Sassi Keegan (New York Comedy Club)<br />Brian Bromberg (New Comedy Fave!)<br />Leslie Goshko (winner of Manhattan Monologue Slam, RISK! Storytelling Series)<br /><br />With Music By:<br />Adam Dunstan (from That 80s Show, www.adamdunstan.com)<br /><br />Aaaaaand in February, comedy's coming to Park Slope (or The Slo' for all the kool kats who do things like replace C's with K's). So for all you Brooklyn folks who decry crossing a river to see comedy, this show's for you. We've got an awesome line-up of comedy and music from entertainers on the cusp of hitting it big. <br /><br />Wade Wilson Experience:<br />DAY: February 10th (Wednesday)<br />WHERE: Pacific Standard Bar: 85 4th Avenue<br />WHEN: 8:00 pm - 9:30 pm<br />COST: Free!<br />Hosted by: Calvin S. Cato (the S stands for supadupafly) and Justin Murray (one of the R's is silent)<br /><br />Featuring:<br />Pat O'Shea (Boston Comedy Festival, New York Underground Comedy Festival, Brooklyn's Ed Sullivan On Acid)<br />Debbie Shea (Comedy Central's Premium Blend, Comix's Fresh Meat)<br />Pat Rigby (Gotham Comedy Club, opened for Dave Chapelle)<br />Rachael Parenta (Portland Comedy Festival, Comix's Please Someone Kill Me)<br />Luna (New York Comedy Club)<br /><br />With Music By:<br />Kathryn Zimmer (as heard on the radio!, Spike Hill, Googie;s Lounge, Bowery Cafe)Calvin S. Cato (CSC)http://www.blogger.com/profile/09517910552711210452noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35382483.post-77458923381506004402009-12-22T11:03:00.004-05:002009-12-22T11:12:44.401-05:00The EndSo, I know there has been a severe drop-off in posts as of late and I keep getting asked about what I'm doing blog-wise and otherwise. In short, I've had an almost cartoonish string of bad luck that all culminated into me being sidelined due to a car accident. Right now, things are okay (i.e. I can still move, talk, and type) but the experience itself as well as several other happenstances before and after have hindered my ability to freely write. <br /><br />Which leads to what am I to do with this blog. Well, for starters, this blog is no longer going to exist in its current incarnation. I may blank out most of it and repost some of the better pieces in a new version. I've also spun off and started working on other writing and comedy projects so that 2010 can be "THE YEAR." I don't know if this will actually come to pass, but whatever. <br /><br />In the meantime, you can use this blog as a way of finding out what shows I'm doing each week. I'm going to use this as an informal calendar until I figure out what I really want to write about. And as of today I'm erasing all the older blogs that I thought didn't work, or weren't representative of my stuff. Thanks again for reading. Oh...and if you know of anyone hiring a writer, please email me and let me know.Calvin S. Cato (CSC)http://www.blogger.com/profile/09517910552711210452noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35382483.post-18837234322021805722009-07-12T20:11:00.002-04:002009-07-12T20:14:46.866-04:00Sex Vets or I Just Want To Get Back To Doing Something UsefulSo I know what everyone’s thinking: What happened? I had been faithful and devoted to the blog, then went off on a tangent about comics, then went off another random tangent before quitting entirely for a month. I’ve been having a “Wonder Boys” moment as of late, where I had to take a step back and realize I haven’t really been writing. I’d like to say I was “doing life research” instead but that’s a bit of a copout. I do have notes though. I’m not going to bore the internet by writing about trying to write. But I just updated my Twitter for the first time in 16 days, and I want to say that…I getting there. Where there is, I don’t know, there isn’t a road map to my life right now. But I’m getting out of the rotary, so there’s a start. <br /><br />Anyway, this is a piece (slightly abridged) that wrote a while ago. It’s probably not relevant to everyone, but again it’s a start and it’s something that’ll help me formulate my own ideas again, instead of obsessively reading other people’s. Sidenote: I wrote this in college where everything's gender-neutral. So there. <br /><br />WWE: The Sex-Vets<br /><br />In life, and especially in college, you will find that there are people who have mastered the fine art of promiscuity. They possess an acute sexual radar, own several outfits designed to maximize their availability, and can disrobe at a moment’s notice. You would think that these people exude sexual confidence, that they know exactly what they’re doing. The harsh truth is that these people aren’t necessarily comfortable with their sexualities. They’re probably just sex-veterans. <br /><br />“What is a sex vet?” you ask. And moreover, what makes them different from sluts? Sex veterans aren’t out to have the best time possible; they’re really out to fill a void (no pun intended). See at the core of it all, all sex-vets seek to pay it forward, to right some sort of vindication. <br /><br />Here it is: the birth of a sex-vet. Please feel free to stop me if you’ve heard this story before. With the help of some social lubrication (i.e. alcohol), you meet someone. You proceed to have a sexual encounter. You question your behavior and motivations the day after. Some time passes and you inadvertently meet this person again. There is another sexual episode. Feelings begin to blossom: they take root, sprout leaves, develop a healthy green stem. A deliberate third encounter happens and things seem on track. You want this “thing” to be out in the open; you invite the person to do something during the day. No response. Cut to a week or two later—you’re told that this isn’t working out. Common phrases include: “It’s not you, it’s me” or “This isn’t a good time in my life to settle down” or “I’m sorry but I have to be a [pejorative word here] about this.” <br /><br />This leaves two options, which aren’t necessarily exclusive. Option 1: spend some time in the realm of depression, abusing substances (be it food or drugs) and listening to whiny music until a better prospect comes along. Option 2: Re-invent yourself, refine your radar and proceed to hook up without discretion. If you’ve chosen Option 2, congratulations, you’re on your way to becoming a sex veteran. <br /><br />So you’ve picked Option 2 and you’re nerves are still raw. You are in extreme rebound mode and your friends have advised you against doing some rash. Against your better judgment, you down a couple of shots and notice the girl/guy/trans across the room you vaguely recognize from that Introduction to Religion class. You two end up talking about nothing in particular, but up the sexual tension to epic proportions. A surge of confidence runs through you; you make a move. And the next thing you know, you’re leaving the party, arm-in-arm with your reset button. Something happens (possibly sex, but your mileage may vary), you wake up relieved. After all, someone found you attractive enough to put her tongue in your mouth. Then the doubt sets in. “Am I really that hot? Could I get away with this again?” <br /><br />Thus the sex-vet is born. Like a vampire, he lives to prey on intimacy. He raises his guard, makes sure to develop only the skills necessary to capture and ensnare a potential hook-up. He spends weeks obsessing about why he is unloved and yet is incapable of truly loving another. He cannot look at himself in the mirror. God forbid he actually takes a hard look at himself and realizes that (gasp!) he is actually as hurt about his former rejection as he feared. <br /><br />Why are all these emotions being brought up now? This actually has nothing to do with me. To be completely honest, this is a topic that would fit better if I were still in college. And yet this sort of thing does still happen in the real world. I just spent an hour listening to a friend complain about how he was completely stood up by a girl he went on two wonderful dates with. Before that I was talking to a sex-vet about her dating policies. About multiple-night stands she said: “It’s okay if we hook up twice, but beyond that I feel like you’re just stifling me.” <br /><br />Well I guess I chose this topic because for all you other vamps out there, hiding from the light, you’re not alone. Everyone goes through the cycle of vengeance and uncertainty associated with the sex-vet status. Even I was converted for about a year (and no I will not share any of my escapades). I will tell you this: instead of finding a warm body, buy yourself a teddy bear and some ice cream. Take stock of your life and figure what you really want. Look before you leap into the arms of a possibly crazy person. And never, ever resort to watching Lifetime; it's too cliche.Calvin S. Cato (CSC)http://www.blogger.com/profile/09517910552711210452noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35382483.post-89810697425097055972009-06-10T23:30:00.007-04:002009-06-11T00:11:33.774-04:00Review: Family Guy 7.14 - We Love You ConradI just finished watching Family Guy's "We Love You Conrad." And it's actually pretty good. I have to admit I'm of those die-hard Family Guy fans-turned-haters. I used to really like Family Guy, and I'm still impressed that the show managed to come back on the air after two years of cancellation. But the last couple of seasons have been pretty weak. The jokes are too obvious or too outrageous to be funny anymore. And there's too much soap-boxing; we get it, Seth, apparently conservatives are evil. But this episode is refreshingly different. <br /><br />Now I can't say I'm a fan of Lauren Conrad at all, and depending on how well you know her, your enjoyment of this episode may vary. The only thing I know about Lauren Conrad is that she's a reality star on some silly saga on MTV and she's very freakishly blond. I came into it thinking, "Oh great another false idol socialite." But, it was refreshing to see her act, and against the stereotypical vapid LA girl type. <br /><br />What really hooked me in to the episode is that "We Love You Conrad" actually has a salient plot and maintains it for twenty-two minutes. It's not as ADD as the other eps have been and the show greatly benefits for it. Plus it's nice to see some advancement on the Brian-Jillian break-up angle. She get's some really classic exchanges - "Oh God are my nuptials showing? It's a very thin bra" is funny as is:<br /><br />Jillian: He also speaks Orange. <br />Derrick: Mandarin, sweetie. <br />Jillian: Mandolin. <br /><br />The gags in the show are strong. The praying mantis joke legitimately made me laugh and the Desiree bit was enjoyable. And I can't help but like the dig at Sting. Overall, it's a step in the right direction, it's not overly spectacular, but it does capture the unique humor that made Family Guy such a hit show when it re-started its episodes on Fox. 6 Cs out of 7.Calvin S. Cato (CSC)http://www.blogger.com/profile/09517910552711210452noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35382483.post-34783571914953001342009-05-20T17:09:00.004-04:002009-05-20T17:29:42.487-04:00Best. 90s Movie. Ever: Batman ReturnsFirst off, a belated send-off to Batman, who as you may or may not know, had suffered a comic book death this January 2009. In honor of the Dark Knight's legacy, I have to discuss one of my favorite Batman movies. And no, I'm not talking about the Dark Knight Returns or batman Begins. <br /><br />I mean Batman Returns, baby! (1992)<br /><br />That movie has to rank up there as one of the best superhero movies of our time, as well as one of the best of movies of the 1990s. Between the macabre elements, the deranged characters, the ridiculously gratuitous leather and the dialogue, the movie appeals to so many of my senses. Apropos of nothing (and because I need another blog entry for May), here are my top five favorite quotes from the movie, courtesy of <a href="http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Batman_Returns">Wikiquotes</a>. <br /><br />(5) Penguin: [after a failed attempt to kill Batman] He didn't even lose a limb! An eyeball! Bladder control!<br /><br />(4) Selina Kyle: It's always the so-called "normal" guys that let you down. Sickos never scare me. At least they're committed.<br /><br />(3) Penguin's Henchman: I mean killing sleeping children...isn't that a little...(Penguin shoots him) <br />Penguin: No! IT'S A LOT! (kicks the dead henchman into the sewage river) <br /><br />(2) Batman: Mistletoe can be deadly if you eat it. <br />Catwoman: But a kiss can be even deadlier if you mean it. <br /><br />(1) Catwoman: [after Batman hits her] How could you? I'm a woman! [Batman lets his guard down and she attacks] As I was saying, I'm a woman...and can't be taken for granted. Life's a bitch; now so am I. <br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjL3u0Q1bUcmfygfqMcvNuOXmUpePA6ilNdXi-TfsIx-XD7ITrom9UZRFptXXk0ul91b6Ktkrs-QQkdYt_KeQjvfe4gL9-sqj-ASzQms9DoVXJh8DW-Yg_CD1iUz6xaWaAjqVp-/s1600-h/Batman_returns_poster2.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 212px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjL3u0Q1bUcmfygfqMcvNuOXmUpePA6ilNdXi-TfsIx-XD7ITrom9UZRFptXXk0ul91b6Ktkrs-QQkdYt_KeQjvfe4gL9-sqj-ASzQms9DoVXJh8DW-Yg_CD1iUz6xaWaAjqVp-/s320/Batman_returns_poster2.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5338020099508173250" /></a><br /><br />RIP: Batman (although DC will probs bring you back in 20 issues...)Calvin S. Cato (CSC)http://www.blogger.com/profile/09517910552711210452noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35382483.post-14741619490697538542009-05-20T11:52:00.004-04:002009-05-20T11:59:38.648-04:00Nearly Forgot To Advertise: Nouveau Poor Show @ Comix This Friday!!The line-up may change slightly but the talent, it is strong! Oh, and this has no cover and only a 1-item minimum. Er, and it's not in the basement of a strange-smelling bar, sooooooo really there's no excuse at all for you to not come. Besides, I'll be famous some day (in this decade). <br /><br /><strong>Nouveau Poor: Entertainment For The Financially Insecure</strong> <br /><br />Friday, May 22nd 2009<br />Comix (Ochi’s Lounge downstairs) <br />7:00 PM - 8:30 PM<br /><br /><br />Hosted and produced by:<br /><strong>Calvin S. Cato</strong> (Game Show Network, Stand-Up New York, Naked Comedy Show) <br /><br />With comedy by: <br /><strong>Michelle Buteau</strong> (VH1, MTV, Oxygen’s Girls Behaving Badly, NBC’s Last Comic Standing)<br /><strong>Leighann Lord</strong> (HBO, Comedy Central, Fox News’s Strategy Room, contributor to Huffington Post)<br /><strong>Ken Perlstein </strong>(Eastville Comedy Club, The Laugh Factory)<br /><strong>Jeff Cerulli </strong>(Sirius Satellite Radio, Broadway Comedy Club)<br /><strong>Jenny Rubin</strong> (Comix’s The Back Room, Chicks and Giggles)<br /> <br />And music by: <br /><strong>Josefin Fundin</strong> (Swedish musician featured at Sidewalk Café)<br /><strong>Jamie Scandal</strong> (New York Ukulele Cabaret)<br /><br />No cover, 1-item minimum. For more info, please visit: http://www.comixny.com/ochislounge.aspx#poor. <br /><br />Comix | 353 West 14th Street<br />(between 8th and 9th Avenue)Calvin S. Cato (CSC)http://www.blogger.com/profile/09517910552711210452noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35382483.post-83136593133515238292009-04-29T17:46:00.002-04:002009-04-29T18:02:04.763-04:00What's In A NameIf you are an up-and-coming entertainer, it is a well-established fact that you will Google yourself at least 8 times a day. In the course of said internet searches, there will always be one person who either has your name or a very similar name who seems to be neck and neck with you as you vie for the top spot. My Google nemesis is Kelvin Cato. He’s a basketball player who’s been around for a while but is now a free agent. His career isn’t particular stellar (I could probably beat him) and it’s frustrating because we have such similar names that googling “Calvin Cato” will pull up articles about him or message boards saying “Calvin Cato sucks at b-ball and life.” Granted I have a small but critical fanbase, but come on people, start searching for me and clicking on my relevant shit. <br /><br />Why I’m angry is that I had stupidly used this Google feature through my Gmail to up my blog to the number one spot on the page thinking that, “Hey if people want to find Calvin Cato’s blog, bam here is the blog of Calvin Cato.” As it turned this only shows for me whenever I’m logged into my Gmail, and I’m constantly signed into my email. All. The. Time. So I signed out, and to my horror, not only is my sadly neglected MySpace page first, not only is that damn misspelled Kelvin Cato article there on page 1, but my blog has fallen to the bottom of page two. This is sacrilege I tell you, sacrilege. Sure I’ve been less prolific and I’ve petered out on some of my writing projects, but come on people. Boost this blog back to page 1 at least. How many times do I have to say Calvin Cato is important in a blog entry before Google connects Calvin Cato to Calvin Cato’s blog? I mean seriously, Calvin Cato works ridiculously hard blogging for Calvin Cato because Calvin Cato is a Calvin Cato kind of writer writing Calvin Cato stuff for Calvin Cato’s constituents. Give Calvin Cato a break, statisticians! <br /><br />Calvin Cato.Calvin S. Cato (CSC)http://www.blogger.com/profile/09517910552711210452noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35382483.post-25116671776979327092009-04-20T17:47:00.006-04:002009-04-20T17:56:37.378-04:00This Friday April 24th is Nouveau Poor - Free Comedy/Music Variety Showcase @ Comix!As you know it's promotion time again! I won't bore you with the super long paragraph that I can't be bothered to update, but faithful readers you should come and check this ish out. Plus there may be a documentary crew filming the show (I wish I could say it's for me but it's not [sad-face here]). Anyway, try to come and I've linked to the Comix website directly for more details!<br /><br />PS: I really REALLY hate the new Facebook. I needed to hit up an FAQ to find out how to make an event and then the damn thing kept crashing when I tried to invite people. Now the thing is that I wanted to invite strategically (i.e. not people who don't live in New York City) but that didn't work so now almost my entire list was invited. So basically I'm sorry if you live in Alaska and got an invite and I'm sorry if you actually live in NYC and didn't get an invite. I'm workin' on it! <br /><br />Whoever thought the "New Facebook" was a good idea needs to be put out to pasture. Hell, I didn't even like the old New Facebook. Enough curmudgeoning, here's the info. And without further ado:<br /><br /><a href="http://www.comixny.com/ochislounge.aspx#poor">Nouveau Poor:</a><br /><br />DATE: April 24th 2009 (Friday)<br />LOCATION: Comix (Ochi’s Lounge downstairs) – 353 West 14th Street east of 9th Ave<br />TIME: 7:00 PM - 8:30 PM<br />COST: No cover, 1-item minimum<br /><br />Comedy By:<br /><strong>Jiwon Li</strong> (NBC’s Stand Up For Diversity, Comedy Central’s Open Mic Fights)<br /><strong>Dan Hirshon</strong> (Boston Comedy Festival 2008, contributor to The Complete Idiot’s Guide To Jokes)<br /><strong>Selena Coppock</strong> (Detroit Comedy Festival, Texas’ Ladies Are Funny Festival)<br /><strong>Joe Pontillo</strong> (Broadway Comedy Club)<br /><strong>Desiree Burch</strong> (featured in New York Magazine, 52 Man Pick-Up)<br /><br />Musical Comedy By:<br /><strong>Kelly Dwyer</strong> (Hysteri-Killy, a one woman show – featured in New York Metro and Go Magazine)<br /><br />Special Music Performance by:<br /><strong>Adam Dunstan</strong> (featured MySpace performer, as seen on That 80s Show)Calvin S. Cato (CSC)http://www.blogger.com/profile/09517910552711210452noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35382483.post-88383104766256306092009-04-11T20:49:00.001-04:002009-04-11T21:05:41.653-04:00Nine Inane Thoughts That Should Never Be Posted On Twitter1. I had the best shower ever! Ever! <br /><br />2. Who’s using mint-flavored toothpaste? I am, I am!<br /><br />3. Rice AND beans? I’m eating like a king!<br /><br />4. No. Wire Hangers. <br /><br />5. Yay a call! Let’s pretend it’s my agent.<br /><br />6. Arm hairs feel like silk sometimes. <br /><br />7. What…is the weather? <br /><br />8. Oops forgot to upload those fun pics on Facebook. <br /><br />9. Wonder how close I can get to 140 characters without going over…will it be now or now or...hmm let's try now? Is it now? Wow 140 is a lot ofCalvin S. Cato (CSC)http://www.blogger.com/profile/09517910552711210452noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35382483.post-28386861973491086752009-04-10T14:12:00.004-04:002009-04-10T14:42:08.629-04:00Grin And Bare It At The Naked Comedy ShowTonight is the night, when I choose to do the Naked Comedy Show. Yes, I am going to stand in a room full of strangers, friends of mine and possible exes and attempt to tell jokes that will make the audience laugh and distract them from my penis. God help me.<br /><br />Every year I ask to do the show, then forget that the major conceit of the show involves being naked, then start panicking and get third-degree burns from shaving and Nairing myself. A small part of me does it to prove that I have the balls to do it, which I inevitably find out after a nice trim (ew). Another part of me is doing it for the resume boost (a very small part because while I am career-oriented, it's not an agented showcase by any means). But as to the real reason why I’m doing it, well, I can do a nice little speech about how it’s art and it’s a representation of man’s inhumanity to man or some bullshit like that, but the honest truth is that…it’s kind of fun. <br /><br />Here’s the thing: I’m not really comfortable with myself being naked in front of people…or bright lights or spacious rooms. I’m a clothes-on kind of guy; I like the mystique that a hoodie, sweater, t-shirt and thick jeans affords. I’m a fan of necessary nudity (like in a shower or a strip search) but I don’t need to have genitals on the couch. The thing is that I have to get out of the mentality that bodies are gross and this show helps me do that. <br /><br />Don’t’ misunderstand; I’m not a hippie at all, but there is something rather neat about the fact that we spend so many weekends trying to crawl into bed with someone in a sexual context and yet try to completely avoid looking at the naked form. As a society, we are so afraid of looking at junk and yet it is such a voyeuristic pleasure. I like the idea of removing the veil and saying “Look, this is me. Now decide if you want to hit this, or friend me or not.” <br /><br />In college, our school used to have Naked Parties, which were exactly as advertised. I went with two friends of mine who were freer about their bodies than I was at that point. I kept worrying about it being an orgy or accidentally groping a boob or random fluids and when I got there with my clothes on, I actually felt out of place. There was no eroticism, no shower of condoms, it was just people talking to each other, holding Dixie cups, naked. It was probably the least sexual experience I’d ever been through. I remember getting to the “changing room” and thinking “I don’t know if I can do this.” I turned around and saw my friends run out of the room naked. At that point, I felt compelled to take off my clothes and join in. I’d be lying if I said my eyes didn’t wander at the party but it wasn’t that serious. I was like “Oh well that’s a penis, that’s a vagina, wow that looks like high maintenance value, good for you!” And again, there were people who didn’t fit that retarded unrealistic Hollywood/porn star mold but it was beautiful simply because these people chose to express themselves. <br /><br />I spend so much time cowering in fear of my imperfections when the truth of the matter is that I have to learn to embrace myself before I can feel like a real artist. Does my sac affect the quality of my life? It shouldn’t. I’ve had friends go to the show and talk to me afterwards and, other than a couple of below the belt jokes, everything was normal. I think we as a society would learn a lot by having naked performances of their own, maybe not in front of strangers throwing dollar bills at you but start small. Have a naked dinner party or a nude movie night (don’t watch Jaws though, trust me on this). <br /><br />I always think about this piece from Margaret Cho’s set when she talks about some fashion magazine’s tips about how to look hot while having sex. Her abridged response was “Fuck that. I’m going to sweat and look ugly and you should be happy to be here fucking me.” I feel the same way about this show; it helps me boost my self-esteem ever so slightly (unless I bomb but I’m trying not to think about that). And even if I do bomb, fuck it, at least there was an audience curious enough to give me a chance. <br /><br />If you are free here are the details: <br />The PIT (People’s Improv Theatre)<br />154 West 29th Street bet. 6th and 7th Avenue<br />8 PM<br />Run by Andy Ofiesh and Rob O'Reilly<br />$10Calvin S. Cato (CSC)http://www.blogger.com/profile/09517910552711210452noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35382483.post-18501521949984457452009-03-25T16:47:00.001-04:002009-03-25T16:47:58.227-04:00Why I’m Too Dumb To Have A Job: A DialogueBig Boss: Well it was wonderful meeting you. I’ll be going back to the home office tomorrow morning. <br />Me: Oh, well it was great meeting you too. <br />Big Boss: I realize we didn’t get to talk much one-on-one but I should be back in a few months and we can talk more personally then. <br />Me: Well…uh…thanks for shaking my hand. <br />Big Boss: [pause] Okay, cheers then. [Leaves]<br />Me: [headdesk]Calvin S. Cato (CSC)http://www.blogger.com/profile/09517910552711210452noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35382483.post-71390253805388791082009-03-18T12:25:00.000-04:002009-03-18T12:26:11.323-04:00Let Them Eat Cake? No Thank You!As we all know and heard, the government gave $170 billion in taxpayer money to AIG (American International Group). And even thought the company reported a loss of $61 billion, they somehow are managing to pay executives $165 million in bonuses (I guess for setting a record or something). Needless to say, the not-royal we were not amused. And our government’s big response boils down to: “You should feel ashamed of yourselves.” Seriously? You fail, government. <br /><br />What is with the 21st century turning everyone into pussies? I remember back in the day, whenever there were too many rich people blatantly stealing from the poor there would be a revolution – complete with guillotine, anarchy and a short guy in charge. Or warriors from up north or far east would start marauding and pillaging, storming castles and sending a hail of fiery arrows down on helpless defenders. Back in the times when European monarchies mattered, if the ruling body was displeased, entire bloodlines were eliminated. But now, the government can basically hand over a blank check to corrupt gout-sufferers who proceed to spend the money on themselves and the best response is a whiny “Give it back!” I didn’t realize that Congress is now that 5-year-old trying to grab his Wolverine toy back from his too-tall big brother who’s holding it hostage at arms length. <br /><br />Why can’t we, oh I don’t know, give the taxpayer money back to the taxpayers?! I paid my bills on time, don’t use limos to get to work, and I’ve managed not to screw over families and other people’s futures. All I got back was $200 from Uncle Sam. That can’t even support a Wall Street stockbroker’s cocaine habit for the day. What. The. Fuck. <br /><br />If you’re pissed, don’t just write a scathing editorial. These execs obviously don’t feel ashamed, not when they can bounce to some island and hire prostitutes to boost their egos. This shame based society bullshit isn’t working anymore. Let’s all go to Home Depot, buy some pitchforks and tiki torches and do this thang old-school (or medieval-school, whatever). Although, we’d probably have to use Google to find out where these people live, but still. Old-school!Calvin S. Cato (CSC)http://www.blogger.com/profile/09517910552711210452noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35382483.post-7452941196574167252009-03-17T12:12:00.003-04:002009-03-17T12:14:27.241-04:00March 27th Show @ Comix (Ochi's Lounge)Thanks to eveyrone who came to the first show! This next show is looking fantastic with more music and grass skirts than you can shake a stick at. Details below: hope to see you next Friday!<br /><br /><br />DATE: March 27th 2009 (Friday)<br />LOCATION: Comix (Ochi’s Lounge downstairs) – 353 West 14th Street east of 9th Ave<br />TIME: 7:00 PM - 8:30 PM<br />COST: No cover, 1-item minimum<br /><br />Auld Lang Syne has come and gone, but the entertainment keeps on rolling! Calvin S. Cato (Game Show Network, Stand-Up New York, Naked Comedy Show) presents a comedy/music variety show with wonderful recruiters and raconteurs who’ll regale you with jokes, songs and humorous job tips! Oh and did we mention that everyone who comes to the show gets a free resume? So if you're unemployed, underemployed, or looking to hire someone who knows Microsoft Office, come by and check out the only show that has 100% talent, 0% health insurance.<br /><br />Comedy By:<br />Sean Crespo (Comedy Central's Root Of All Evil, Comix’s Drink At Work Show, Television Without Pity)<br />Liz Miele (Live At Gotham, featured in the New Yorker)<br />Del (BET's My Two Cents, Caroline's on Broadway, Comedy For The F&%* Of It)<br />Scout Durwood (MTV’s A Shot At Love, Miss America pageant contestant!)<br />Chris Conway (Comix’s Roots)<br /><br />Music Interlude by:<br />Joe Yoga (artist-in-residence at Under St. Marks Theater)<br /><br />Special Music Performance by:<br />Sonic Uke (Midnight Ukelele Disco, New York Ukelele Cabinet, and they’re New Zealanders)<br /><br />http://www.comixny.com/ochislounge.aspx#poorCalvin S. Cato (CSC)http://www.blogger.com/profile/09517910552711210452noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35382483.post-13532727991873111032009-03-12T14:08:00.004-04:002009-03-17T12:27:16.728-04:00Interview With Bad SlavaInterview Update: Here is a better link to the interview: <a href="http://www.badslava.com/2009/03/calvin-cato.html#links">Interview With Calvin Cato</a>.<br /><br />Also, I just want to let you guys know that I’ll perform anywhere: bars, restaurants, basements, hell even Jeffrey Dahmer’s house. Sure, the place is musty but at least he has a captive audience. <br /><br />Speaking of basements, catch me tonight: March 12th at 8:00 PM at Tagine Dining gallery for Nouveau Poor. Address: 537 9th Avenue (just south of West 40th Street). All the info and the press paragraph is below (no I didn’t change it, though I should have been more creative). Check it out if you’re nearby!<br /><br />Auld Lang Syne has come and gone, but the entertainment keeps on rolling! Calvin S. Cato (Game Show Network, Stand-Up New York, Naked Comedy Show) presents a comedy/music variety show with wonderful recruiters and raconteurs who’ll regale you with jokes, songs and humorous job tips! Oh and did we mention that everyone who comes to the show gets a free resume? So if you're unemployed, underemployed, or looking to hire someone who knows Microsoft Office, come by and check out the only show that has 100% talent, 0% health insurance.<br /><br />Comedy By:<br /> <br />Matt Nagin (Comix's Intermission, Under St. Marks Theatre)<br />Mo Diggs (writer for The Apiary and Dead Frog)<br />Chris Laker (Comedy2go)<br />Adam Lash (Caroline's, Comix's So You Think You're Funny)<br />Brendan Fitzgibbons (New York Underground Comedy favorite)Calvin S. Cato (CSC)http://www.blogger.com/profile/09517910552711210452noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35382483.post-63459633495440201192009-03-03T09:46:00.003-05:002009-03-03T09:56:18.146-05:00Nouveau Shows Coming UpFirst of all, thanks to everyone who came out to see the show at Comix! It was standing room only packed! The next show is March 27th and there will be a ton of emails about the whole thing, but for now, here are some shows I'm doing for next week. I'm all over Twitter now so check that too for details. <br /><br /><br />President Jackson Show<br />Monday March 9th: 9:00 PM - 10:10 PM<br />Produced by Joe Dixon and hosted by Calvin Cato, this show has nothing to do with a white president and is run by two black guys who wear argyle. Did your irony meter explode, because it should have! We feature comedians with credits, without credits, with drinking problems, whatever. Seriously, it's a fun show and there are 2-for-1 drinks. Check this out!<br /><br />Tickets: Free<br />Pinetree Lodge - 326 East 35th Street (between 1st and 2nd Av)<br />-------<br />Nouveau Poor<br />Thursday March 12th: 8:00 PM – 9:30 PM<br />Tagine Dining Gallery<br /><br />Calvin S. Cato presents a wonderful blend of comedy and music in a cool Moroccan venue. We have comedians who've been featured on MTV, VH1, Comedy Central, and top comedy clubs in the city as well as musicians who've played at the top indie venues in New York City. Plus, there's belly dancing and hookah afterwards! Check out the only show that's like Casablanca in Technicolor.<br /><br />Tickets: Free<br />Tagine Dining Gallery - 537 9th Avenue (just south of West 40th Street)Calvin S. Cato (CSC)http://www.blogger.com/profile/09517910552711210452noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35382483.post-13141425656001467792009-02-26T10:56:00.002-05:002009-02-26T11:00:36.777-05:00Outrage!Yesterday I asked to borrow my dad’s camera so I can take pictures for my show on Friday…and he said “No.” Can you believe he had the nerve to say no after all I’ve done for him? I mean, I let him wipe my butt when I was a baby and I let him see my vulnerable side when I would throw tantrums and scream “I wish I’d never been born.” He had the luxury of watching me beat Street Fighter II over and over as a kid, stopping him from watching the oh-so-depressing 10 O’Clock News. Or all the cultural events I’d take him to: like the movie “Batman and Robin” or “Six Flags Great Adventure.” I offered to pay but he insisted on it, and ticket takers don’t like being paid in sacks of quarters. I thought he liked the fact that I put him up on a pedestal…sure it was for ridicule but still. And I would always talk about my dad in such positive tones, like “I’m positive my dad is trying to ruin my life!” or “I positively can’t stand him!” <br /><br />You know what, dad? No more! I see now that you don’t care about my career path. I get that when you would say things like “I don’t understand why you couldn’t have been a doctor” that that’s not an old Jamaican saying, that was [gasp!] the truth. Or when you bared your teeth when I told you I wanted to a writer/comedian – I know now that that wasn’t’ a smile; it was a grimace. Listen here buster, the time for fun and games is over. Now I’ll be calling you less (unless it’s for money, in which case I’ll still call you on the 1st and the 15th…but now we won’t talk about what I need the money for). <br /><br />Secretly though, I think he’s mad because I didn’t send him a Facebook invite to the show (which is this Friday at 7 PM in Comix’s Downstairs Room – 353 West 14th Street just east of 9th Avenue. Subtlety is my middle name).Calvin S. Cato (CSC)http://www.blogger.com/profile/09517910552711210452noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35382483.post-26562436324028644062009-02-23T15:53:00.000-05:002009-02-23T15:54:21.349-05:00Madea Can Kiss My @$$Recently, one of my good friends went to see the new Tyler Perry movie: Madea Goes To Jail. For those of you who aren’t familiar, Madea is a large sassy black matriarch who talks like a Maury Povich audience member reprimanding a baby daddy on stage. The role of Madea is played by Tyler Perry, a black man who clearly doesn’t get that this stereotypical acting was so last century and went the way of the sitcom “Martin.” Quite frankly, I’m not surprised Madea went to jail considering she spends every single movie threatening to “get all up in someone’s ass” or punch out a strumpet. Hell, she’s at least facing aggravated assault charges. <br /><br />People ask me why I’m not a fan of Tyler Perry’s movies. The short answer is because I have a high school diploma. The long answer is because I’m tired of these tired tropes. See, I used to work retail in a video store where the televisions looped popular videos all day. I had the displeasure of watching Diary Of A Mad Black Woman on loop and it does awful things to your head. I would always be embarrassed when non-black people would ask me about the movie as though I had a connection to it. I mean, if you were using this movie as a way to learn about black culture, you’d think all black men are dogs and all old black women have a 5 o’clock shadow. <br /><br />Now there are people who can enjoy his movies qua frivolous entertainment, but I’m not easily entertained by a “No she di’nt!” and a finger wag. Honestly, if I wanted to watch a black guy crossdress and fail to make me laugh, I’d go to Eddie Murphy’s house. I can at least tolerate Eddie’s trademark chortle.Calvin S. Cato (CSC)http://www.blogger.com/profile/09517910552711210452noreply@blogger.com0