Monday, October 29, 2007

Pinetree Lodge Tonight!

Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen,

I'm just sending out a frightfully friendly reminder to check out the Pinetree Lodge tonight for some great comedy. Unfortunately I won't be there tonight (as I am in the midst of the biggest move EVER) but Joe Dixon is hosting and will be rocking the house and rattling the funny bones.

WHERE: Pinetree Lodge - 326 East 35th Street
COST: FREE
RUN TIME: 9:00 PM - 10:00 PM
WHEN: Monday (Today!) and every Monday 'till the wheels come off

Check it out. And word of advice: never move. God I hate packing!

Saturday, October 27, 2007

Why Do We Love The 80s?: Robbie Nevil

I admit it, I am "that guy" who's all about the 80s music, even though I was 5 when the 80s ended. Yes, I own a Huey Lewis and the News shirt, though I've never been to any concerts. I think the 80s were cool - and not in that hipster "Oh man I love decadence and tight checkerboard pattern pants" kind of way. The 80s represent an era where culture really was in flux, old regimes were dying, and media outlet were expanding and trying to entertain a demographic that was not exclusively heterosexual white males over 30.

The 80s gave us some awesome hits by the Police, Culture Club, and David Bowie. And then there's Robbie Nevil. Poor, poor Robbie Nevil.

I would never provide pictures in a blog (this will be explained in an upcoming entry about short attention spans, but I digress) but you need to see it to believe it.



First of all, observe the androgyny overload. I know the whole "Pre-Op Tranny" look was all the rage for male artists (and yes, he is male...I actually had to Wikipedia it, I was so unsure), but god-DAMN, what the hell kind of life decisions were you making, sir? And that leather jacket doesn't make you look tough. You look like you heroin shuffled off a Gap commercial.

And then the music video for Nevil's most famous song: C'est La Vie. The song is about...uh...well...ignoring problems and saying "That's life!" and moving on. Or something. It's a good message, but questionably executed and not helped by the singer sounding so high-pitched. And what's with the gloomy black and white warehouses? Shouldn't life be in color? I can honestly say that when I feel down, I don't go to abandoned buildings. And there's something about the lyric "When you're down, there's just one way to go..." that bugs me. Because sure you can go up, but you could also kill yourself. Of course, if you chose suicide, then the song would be "That's Death!" but hey, I'm just saying. Here's the link:

Robbie Nevil - C'est La Vie

Finally, the video vixens of yore! In a world where girls in videos can only wear twine, move their ass, and get doused by various alcohols in a rented mansion, it is a refreshing change of pace to see women in clothing "groovin' along". But why are these girls dancing in scrapyards and oil wells? Is this some pre-emptive polemic about today's situation in Iraq? Are we subliminally telling people "Off with the burqas, go American oil"? Plus, these are the most lethargic dancers I've ever seen. It's like they realized their rent was due, saw an ad to be in a 1-hit wonder's video, and said "Fuck it." Supposedly the song is about shrugging things off, but those girls don't look any happier.

Where are you now, Mr. Nevil? Recording studio? Drive-thru teller? God only knows. But hopefully you picked a gender and stuck with it.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

New Mantras/Ongoing Show at Alibi Lounge on Wednesdays!

New mantra: Never burn bridges because you never know when you need a shortcut. Think it's deep? - that's good cuz I wrote it! Hate the message? - well then I got it from a fortune cookie.

Speaking of which I recently got a fortune cookie with no fortune. So either the universe thinks I'm fucked or it thinks I don't need help. Frankly neither situation is looking good.

Also, free show at Alibi Lounge tonight (located at 116 MacDougal Street bet. West 3rd and Bleecker). I'm hosting the show and there are tons of great prizes and good people! So uh, you all should get on that. [ASIDE: I wonder how manny times I have to write free comedy show at Alibi Lounge before it becomes Google-able and I can actually get the show to appear in papers and on websites and shit. Because I've only seen it on like 3 sites, and I sent stuff out to like 30 outlets. I cry racism.]

Every Wednesday @ 8 PM! Drink specials! Free prizes. Check it out

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Blog Action Day & Break-Ups (Or Crapple-Bs)

Apparently yesterday was Blog Action Day - a day which celebrates people having online journals devoted to environmental change. Wow, congratulations way to bitch about the environment instead of...going into said environment and interacting with it in a positive way like pick up trash or clean a sea lion. Seriously, your computer doesn't run on vegetable oil, Captain Digital Planet. Peel yourself away from it and don't just write about problems, solve them.

I'm in a foul mood. You know what sucks about breaking up with people when you live in New York City? You have to break up with them and half the good restaurants and bars. There was this really nice bar in Lower Manhattan I used to go to. I'd even go there alone (which is a sign of alcoholism, but nay I digress). I took a girl there a couple of times and she fell in love with the place. Before I knew it, we adopted a bar together! But the relationship fizzled out in a terrible way and we had to figure out who had more rights to the bar. She had more friends than I did and she packed the place so that when I got there with my 2 hangers-on, there was no table and 20 eyes staring at me with disgust. She won the stomping ground and I had to go drink 40s on the street (okay I didn't have to, but there's a metaphor in there).

That's right people: I lost the custody battle of the bar - how shitty is that?! And now I have to go to the crap hole-in-the-wall bar that's deep in the heart of college-village, where I'm guaranteed to sit next to a "birthday girl" and have at least 4 drinks spilled on me. And one of those spills will be from the obviously drunk waiter, who's just working here until med school where he's "totally gonna be a doctor, brah!"

I wish break-ups didn't have to involved jerrymandering neighborhoods. All I ask is for thhere not to be demilitarized zones. Or at least for a better treaty.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

99 Cent Store Comedy Show!!!!!

Tonight's the big opening night for the 99 Cent Store show!

Come all ye faithful and funny! It's going to be a great night o' laughs and merriment, where I'm giving away awesome prizes!

Los Details:

Alibi Lounge: 116 MacDougal Street between West 3rd Street and Bleecker Street
When: Wednesdays @ 8 PM - 9:30 PM
Cost: FREE!!!! Absolutely FREE!!!!
Drink Specials: YES THERE ARE!

It's the start of a new incarnation of comedy and music so be there or be an L7!

Thursday, October 04, 2007

Take The Money And Run...

Whenever I have a crisis of conscience, I always turn to the Good Book. No, it's not the Bible; it's Anagrams by Lorrie Moore. If you've never heard of her, you should definitely pick her stuff up - it's witty, poignant and remarkably keen. She's more of a short story writer but Anagrams is her first novel. And frankly, if you're between 23 and 33 and have no fucking idea where your life is going, get this book and read it cover to cover - the answers may surprise you. Here are 3 of my favorite paragraphs (slightly abridged):

"You know what poetry is about?" said Eleanor. "The impossibility of sexual love. Poets don't even want genitals, their own or anyone else's. For a poet, to love is to have no lover. And to live" - she raised her wine glass and failed to suppress a smile - "is to have no liver."
....
The teacher stared down at the tabletop at something scratched into wood. DROP ACID, it said. And then beneath it, in different writing, NO TAKE IT PASS-FAIL.
....
In nature certain species, in order not to be eaten, will take on the characteristics of something that is an unpleasant meal. The viceroy, for instance, looks so much like a bird dropping, and as an adult so much like the ill-tasting monarch, that birds, as agents of natural selection, as Darwinian loser-zappers, leave the viceroy alone. Similarly, the ant-mimicking spider is avoided because it appears to have the fierce mandibles of an ant, though it's really only a spider playing dress-up. The function of disguise is to convince the world you are not there, or that if you are, you should be left alone. You disguise yourself as an imperious teacher, an imperious lover, an imperious bitch, simply to hang out and survive.