Friday, September 28, 2007

"I Am Not A Crook!"

Today was a really weird day. I got a semi-late start and because of a confluence of influences, I ended up going to see a free comedy show in lower Manhattan. And every time I go to a show I've never heard of before, I always write down the name of the show, the name of the producer, and the names of the people on the show. I do this for a couple of reasons.

(1) Because I have a really shitty memory. If I don't write something down, I will instantly forget it. And I write down everything. Seriously if you were to go through my notebook, you'd see addresses, phone numbers, birthdays, lists of e-mails I have to send out and things I need to buy. You'd probably even see a "Remember to breathe" every couple of pages.

(2) Because I like to google comics and see other things they've done. Yes, it's sad to spend an afternoon e-stalking comedians but if I find a comic I like, I always want to find out other shows they've done or check out clips.

(3) And this is the saddest fact: So I can assess the feasibility of asking to be on the show in the future. This may be a shocker to you fans (well, fan) but I'm not "passed" at many (any?) major shows. And the odds of getting a spot on any comedy show is directly proportional to the number of television and radio credits you have. So if I see a show comprised of comics who've got hour long specials on HBO and a Sirius radio credit, I can say "Fuck it!" and not ask and look like a fool if I'm rejected.

The show itself was really good. The comics were funny and there was some nice observational humor. With the exception of the gaggle of drunk-tards I had to sit next to, I had a really good time. Towards the end of the show, I realize I have a better chance getting my face on a billboard in Times Square than being on the show, so I slip out when the headliner gets on and prepare to go home, e-stalk, and remind myself of why I chose to not be doctor to pursue comedy.

And on my way out I run into the producer and host who ask for my name and then tell me that's notetaking is not allowed. I didn't even know I did anything wrong so I say I'm sorry, I just wrote down some info about the show, but I didn't write anything incriminating. And they ask to see my notebook. I readily hand it over and I'm freaked out and apologizing heavily, because I don't want them to think I stole their jokes. And it's completely embarrassing because they see that I wrote down their names and the words "No TV credits = I'm fucked." Plus, I kind of zoned out partway through the show and wrote down a laundry list of things I need to do (as I said, I forget things I don't write down).

I'm not offended at all; in fact, it's a really good policy to have. But I feel so mortified. I mean, it would never occur to me to steal someone else's joke. Who does that?--okay bad question. But who would blatantly take out a notebook and write down jokes? How does that even translate? All my jokes consist of personal stories; it would be impossible (and ruin my integrity) to do someone else's material. Plus, it's New York City. I mean if I were doing someone else's jokes I'd be caught really quickly.

Now I feel like a dumbass because I never even thought there was something sketchy about a guy taking notes at a comedy club. I just assumed that's what people do. I remember a friend suggesting to me that I should try to seek out comics I like and get the names of the people who run shows you'd like to be on. I go to comedy clubs like they're seminars; I always try to get the names of the people I enjoy and filter out the rest. Which is a newbie-ish thing to do, but hell I've only been in the NYC comedy scene for a year and there's still a lot for me to learn.

I've already pissed people because I have no idea who they are, and now I'm in trouble for trying to learn more about comedians?! Sigh, I just don't even know what to do anymore. I feel like I shot myself in the foot with this show because these producers either think I'm a weirdo loner or a joke thief. And I don't want either of these labels.

So to the guys who run the show, I really didn't know I couldn't write things down and I'm sorry. I would never ever steal jokes. And if you ever see me do one of your jokes, you have full permission to beat me up and take my lunch money. Also for good measure, I ripped up the pages I wrote down. Which means I can't directly address this to you since I forgot your names...and I also may forget to breathe.

Seriously, my bad. I'll invest in gingko biloba and leave the pens at home. And if I ever get a TV credit that's not a game show, I hope you guys would be kind enough to consider me and put that embarrassing scene behind us. Also, wonderful show!

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