Saturday, September 29, 2007
Observation of the Day
How do people in China spell their names when they're on the phone to telemarketers? I know it's already hard for me to do it, when a C can sound like a G or T or a V. Do Chinese people just yell into the phone "My name is Chan with a tree symbol. A tree symbol! That's tree with four slashes. FOUR SLASHES! Ugh, damn outsourcing!"
Friday, September 28, 2007
"I Am Not A Crook!"
Today was a really weird day. I got a semi-late start and because of a confluence of influences, I ended up going to see a free comedy show in lower Manhattan. And every time I go to a show I've never heard of before, I always write down the name of the show, the name of the producer, and the names of the people on the show. I do this for a couple of reasons.
(1) Because I have a really shitty memory. If I don't write something down, I will instantly forget it. And I write down everything. Seriously if you were to go through my notebook, you'd see addresses, phone numbers, birthdays, lists of e-mails I have to send out and things I need to buy. You'd probably even see a "Remember to breathe" every couple of pages.
(2) Because I like to google comics and see other things they've done. Yes, it's sad to spend an afternoon e-stalking comedians but if I find a comic I like, I always want to find out other shows they've done or check out clips.
(3) And this is the saddest fact: So I can assess the feasibility of asking to be on the show in the future. This may be a shocker to you fans (well, fan) but I'm not "passed" at many (any?) major shows. And the odds of getting a spot on any comedy show is directly proportional to the number of television and radio credits you have. So if I see a show comprised of comics who've got hour long specials on HBO and a Sirius radio credit, I can say "Fuck it!" and not ask and look like a fool if I'm rejected.
The show itself was really good. The comics were funny and there was some nice observational humor. With the exception of the gaggle of drunk-tards I had to sit next to, I had a really good time. Towards the end of the show, I realize I have a better chance getting my face on a billboard in Times Square than being on the show, so I slip out when the headliner gets on and prepare to go home, e-stalk, and remind myself of why I chose to not be doctor to pursue comedy.
And on my way out I run into the producer and host who ask for my name and then tell me that's notetaking is not allowed. I didn't even know I did anything wrong so I say I'm sorry, I just wrote down some info about the show, but I didn't write anything incriminating. And they ask to see my notebook. I readily hand it over and I'm freaked out and apologizing heavily, because I don't want them to think I stole their jokes. And it's completely embarrassing because they see that I wrote down their names and the words "No TV credits = I'm fucked." Plus, I kind of zoned out partway through the show and wrote down a laundry list of things I need to do (as I said, I forget things I don't write down).
I'm not offended at all; in fact, it's a really good policy to have. But I feel so mortified. I mean, it would never occur to me to steal someone else's joke. Who does that?--okay bad question. But who would blatantly take out a notebook and write down jokes? How does that even translate? All my jokes consist of personal stories; it would be impossible (and ruin my integrity) to do someone else's material. Plus, it's New York City. I mean if I were doing someone else's jokes I'd be caught really quickly.
Now I feel like a dumbass because I never even thought there was something sketchy about a guy taking notes at a comedy club. I just assumed that's what people do. I remember a friend suggesting to me that I should try to seek out comics I like and get the names of the people who run shows you'd like to be on. I go to comedy clubs like they're seminars; I always try to get the names of the people I enjoy and filter out the rest. Which is a newbie-ish thing to do, but hell I've only been in the NYC comedy scene for a year and there's still a lot for me to learn.
I've already pissed people because I have no idea who they are, and now I'm in trouble for trying to learn more about comedians?! Sigh, I just don't even know what to do anymore. I feel like I shot myself in the foot with this show because these producers either think I'm a weirdo loner or a joke thief. And I don't want either of these labels.
So to the guys who run the show, I really didn't know I couldn't write things down and I'm sorry. I would never ever steal jokes. And if you ever see me do one of your jokes, you have full permission to beat me up and take my lunch money. Also for good measure, I ripped up the pages I wrote down. Which means I can't directly address this to you since I forgot your names...and I also may forget to breathe.
Seriously, my bad. I'll invest in gingko biloba and leave the pens at home. And if I ever get a TV credit that's not a game show, I hope you guys would be kind enough to consider me and put that embarrassing scene behind us. Also, wonderful show!
(1) Because I have a really shitty memory. If I don't write something down, I will instantly forget it. And I write down everything. Seriously if you were to go through my notebook, you'd see addresses, phone numbers, birthdays, lists of e-mails I have to send out and things I need to buy. You'd probably even see a "Remember to breathe" every couple of pages.
(2) Because I like to google comics and see other things they've done. Yes, it's sad to spend an afternoon e-stalking comedians but if I find a comic I like, I always want to find out other shows they've done or check out clips.
(3) And this is the saddest fact: So I can assess the feasibility of asking to be on the show in the future. This may be a shocker to you fans (well, fan) but I'm not "passed" at many (any?) major shows. And the odds of getting a spot on any comedy show is directly proportional to the number of television and radio credits you have. So if I see a show comprised of comics who've got hour long specials on HBO and a Sirius radio credit, I can say "Fuck it!" and not ask and look like a fool if I'm rejected.
The show itself was really good. The comics were funny and there was some nice observational humor. With the exception of the gaggle of drunk-tards I had to sit next to, I had a really good time. Towards the end of the show, I realize I have a better chance getting my face on a billboard in Times Square than being on the show, so I slip out when the headliner gets on and prepare to go home, e-stalk, and remind myself of why I chose to not be doctor to pursue comedy.
And on my way out I run into the producer and host who ask for my name and then tell me that's notetaking is not allowed. I didn't even know I did anything wrong so I say I'm sorry, I just wrote down some info about the show, but I didn't write anything incriminating. And they ask to see my notebook. I readily hand it over and I'm freaked out and apologizing heavily, because I don't want them to think I stole their jokes. And it's completely embarrassing because they see that I wrote down their names and the words "No TV credits = I'm fucked." Plus, I kind of zoned out partway through the show and wrote down a laundry list of things I need to do (as I said, I forget things I don't write down).
I'm not offended at all; in fact, it's a really good policy to have. But I feel so mortified. I mean, it would never occur to me to steal someone else's joke. Who does that?--okay bad question. But who would blatantly take out a notebook and write down jokes? How does that even translate? All my jokes consist of personal stories; it would be impossible (and ruin my integrity) to do someone else's material. Plus, it's New York City. I mean if I were doing someone else's jokes I'd be caught really quickly.
Now I feel like a dumbass because I never even thought there was something sketchy about a guy taking notes at a comedy club. I just assumed that's what people do. I remember a friend suggesting to me that I should try to seek out comics I like and get the names of the people who run shows you'd like to be on. I go to comedy clubs like they're seminars; I always try to get the names of the people I enjoy and filter out the rest. Which is a newbie-ish thing to do, but hell I've only been in the NYC comedy scene for a year and there's still a lot for me to learn.
I've already pissed people because I have no idea who they are, and now I'm in trouble for trying to learn more about comedians?! Sigh, I just don't even know what to do anymore. I feel like I shot myself in the foot with this show because these producers either think I'm a weirdo loner or a joke thief. And I don't want either of these labels.
So to the guys who run the show, I really didn't know I couldn't write things down and I'm sorry. I would never ever steal jokes. And if you ever see me do one of your jokes, you have full permission to beat me up and take my lunch money. Also for good measure, I ripped up the pages I wrote down. Which means I can't directly address this to you since I forgot your names...and I also may forget to breathe.
Seriously, my bad. I'll invest in gingko biloba and leave the pens at home. And if I ever get a TV credit that's not a game show, I hope you guys would be kind enough to consider me and put that embarrassing scene behind us. Also, wonderful show!
Thursday, September 27, 2007
Old Article: Worst Week Ever - Fanboy's Complaint
Here's an old article I wrote in response to the release of X-Men 3:
We’ve recently cleared the halfway mark of the double zeroes and it been a good decade for comic book companies. In the 1990s superheroes were so played out, and anyone with even a rudimentary knowledge of the Justice League was relegated to the loser table at the cafeteria. But now, in the time it would take for you to say “Let’s go, bub,” a comic-adapted movie will be coming to theatres near you. Fantastic Four, Sin City, X-Men, Batman, Punisher—hell even the Man-Thing got a made-for-TV movie. I wouldn’t have a problem with the revival of comic book movies except for one minor hitch—they all suck!
This issue really started nagging me when I heard about X-Men 3 coming out in theatres over the summer. Considering I had seen the first two X-Men, I was less than thrilled. See, I have to admit something—I am a big X-Men fan. I keep tabs on these characters as if they were my children. I could tell you every sex partner Cyclops has ever had, I could list every non-mutant member of the team. As a hardcore fan, I get offended by the horrid bastardizations portrayed on the screen. Any characterization done is painfully one-dimensional and the plotlines are so bad even a five-year-old can see its flaws. The major franchises suck any interest and depth out of a character in order to condense him or her down to a tight leather suit and a catchphrase.
Normally I’d worry about other things (like finding a job or graduating) but one of my favorite X-characters is going to appear on the big screen: Psylocke. To the average layman, she’s best described as “that Japanese chick with the purple hair, psychic knives, and a British accent” but to a fan she is so much more.
Understandably, the plotters can’t get into her history, which is at best convoluted and at worst incomprehensible. While her body is Japanese, she began her life as a British Caucasian telepath and sister to famed superhero Captain Britain. Later on, she has her eyes ripped out in her brief stint as a solo superhero, was kidnapped by a fat television-crazed mogul and given bionic eyes, joined the X-Men, died saving the world from an interdimensional demon, resurfaced in Australia, picked up some nifty armor, died again escaping cyborgs, was reborn and taken into custody by a Hong Kong kingpin allied with a mystical cult leader, forcibly switched bodies with a Japanese assassin, died again saving the X-Men from a feral psychopath, was reborn via mystical means, lost her psychic powers, gained telekinesis, died again to a Spanish nutcase, and was reborn (in her Japanese body) by her mad reality-warping brother. And that’s just the abridged version. (And for you curious folks out there, yes I will devote massive amounts of brain space to remembering this but will still forget to call my parents on their birthdays.)
I fear that when she makes it to the cutting room floor, she’ll become “sexy no-personality villainess for Wolverine to stab.” It has precedent, check out Lady Deathstrike in X2. Did she have lines?—No. Did she have a history?—No. Come to think of it, she was also Japanese. And we had a Caucasian (or blue) counterpart in the first X-Movie—Mystique. Arguably, she was better developed, but not by much.
I can’t even get into the liberal misinterpretations in other Marvel movies (Typhoid Mary is a member of the Hand? Spider-Man can hold up the side of a building?? The Kingpin is black???). I try not to be vocal about it because the laymen will complain: “God, you’re being so anal. Can’t people have their own opinions about a character?” Of course they can—if the characterization at least remotely resembles the premise. What makes Spider-Man so loveable has nothing to do with raw strength (which he doesn’t have—he’s a scrawny lightweight in the superhero muscle department), but his ingenuity and agility (traits he rarely exhibits in any of the movies). The concept of Rogue isn’t that she’s some shy teenager with space issues; it’s that she put her first boyfriend and a superhero into a coma and any sort of contact can kill. Wolverine, though—he’s pretty much spot on as a hairy berserker.
So yeah, comic book nerds are having the worst week ever. But the people who really deserve a foot in the ass are the faux-fans who clamor for more of this bastardized garbage. All you wannabe geeks and hipsters want to prance around in your Ziploc tight pants and black-rimmed glasses pontificating about how cool you are because you like “alternative stuff” that would get kids beaten up in junior high. Stop appropriating and learn the franchise! Don’t act like you are a know-it-all on comics because you can pronounce “telekinesis” correctly. Stop pretending your Urban Outfitters graphic tee is from the Salvation Army (I know that had nothing to do with my point, but it needed to be noted).
And hey, Marvel and DC, do your share for the die-hard fans. Quit with the antiquated morals. Please stop with the soliloquies on how great power and great responsibility go hand in hand. If I wanted an after-school special, I’d buy a School House Rock DVD. All that “Love and Piece” crap is real cute, but I want to see some hardcore kick-ass fighting, combined with a decent storyline that doesn’t have plot holes you could drive a tank through. Also, hook Halle Berry up with some decent lines. If I hear “What happens to a magnet when it gets struck by lightning?” I will fly to Hollywood, slap every screenwriter, director and producer and demand my money back.
In the words of the ineffable Stan Lee: ’Nuff said.
We’ve recently cleared the halfway mark of the double zeroes and it been a good decade for comic book companies. In the 1990s superheroes were so played out, and anyone with even a rudimentary knowledge of the Justice League was relegated to the loser table at the cafeteria. But now, in the time it would take for you to say “Let’s go, bub,” a comic-adapted movie will be coming to theatres near you. Fantastic Four, Sin City, X-Men, Batman, Punisher—hell even the Man-Thing got a made-for-TV movie. I wouldn’t have a problem with the revival of comic book movies except for one minor hitch—they all suck!
This issue really started nagging me when I heard about X-Men 3 coming out in theatres over the summer. Considering I had seen the first two X-Men, I was less than thrilled. See, I have to admit something—I am a big X-Men fan. I keep tabs on these characters as if they were my children. I could tell you every sex partner Cyclops has ever had, I could list every non-mutant member of the team. As a hardcore fan, I get offended by the horrid bastardizations portrayed on the screen. Any characterization done is painfully one-dimensional and the plotlines are so bad even a five-year-old can see its flaws. The major franchises suck any interest and depth out of a character in order to condense him or her down to a tight leather suit and a catchphrase.
Normally I’d worry about other things (like finding a job or graduating) but one of my favorite X-characters is going to appear on the big screen: Psylocke. To the average layman, she’s best described as “that Japanese chick with the purple hair, psychic knives, and a British accent” but to a fan she is so much more.
Understandably, the plotters can’t get into her history, which is at best convoluted and at worst incomprehensible. While her body is Japanese, she began her life as a British Caucasian telepath and sister to famed superhero Captain Britain. Later on, she has her eyes ripped out in her brief stint as a solo superhero, was kidnapped by a fat television-crazed mogul and given bionic eyes, joined the X-Men, died saving the world from an interdimensional demon, resurfaced in Australia, picked up some nifty armor, died again escaping cyborgs, was reborn and taken into custody by a Hong Kong kingpin allied with a mystical cult leader, forcibly switched bodies with a Japanese assassin, died again saving the X-Men from a feral psychopath, was reborn via mystical means, lost her psychic powers, gained telekinesis, died again to a Spanish nutcase, and was reborn (in her Japanese body) by her mad reality-warping brother. And that’s just the abridged version. (And for you curious folks out there, yes I will devote massive amounts of brain space to remembering this but will still forget to call my parents on their birthdays.)
I fear that when she makes it to the cutting room floor, she’ll become “sexy no-personality villainess for Wolverine to stab.” It has precedent, check out Lady Deathstrike in X2. Did she have lines?—No. Did she have a history?—No. Come to think of it, she was also Japanese. And we had a Caucasian (or blue) counterpart in the first X-Movie—Mystique. Arguably, she was better developed, but not by much.
I can’t even get into the liberal misinterpretations in other Marvel movies (Typhoid Mary is a member of the Hand? Spider-Man can hold up the side of a building?? The Kingpin is black???). I try not to be vocal about it because the laymen will complain: “God, you’re being so anal. Can’t people have their own opinions about a character?” Of course they can—if the characterization at least remotely resembles the premise. What makes Spider-Man so loveable has nothing to do with raw strength (which he doesn’t have—he’s a scrawny lightweight in the superhero muscle department), but his ingenuity and agility (traits he rarely exhibits in any of the movies). The concept of Rogue isn’t that she’s some shy teenager with space issues; it’s that she put her first boyfriend and a superhero into a coma and any sort of contact can kill. Wolverine, though—he’s pretty much spot on as a hairy berserker.
So yeah, comic book nerds are having the worst week ever. But the people who really deserve a foot in the ass are the faux-fans who clamor for more of this bastardized garbage. All you wannabe geeks and hipsters want to prance around in your Ziploc tight pants and black-rimmed glasses pontificating about how cool you are because you like “alternative stuff” that would get kids beaten up in junior high. Stop appropriating and learn the franchise! Don’t act like you are a know-it-all on comics because you can pronounce “telekinesis” correctly. Stop pretending your Urban Outfitters graphic tee is from the Salvation Army (I know that had nothing to do with my point, but it needed to be noted).
And hey, Marvel and DC, do your share for the die-hard fans. Quit with the antiquated morals. Please stop with the soliloquies on how great power and great responsibility go hand in hand. If I wanted an after-school special, I’d buy a School House Rock DVD. All that “Love and Piece” crap is real cute, but I want to see some hardcore kick-ass fighting, combined with a decent storyline that doesn’t have plot holes you could drive a tank through. Also, hook Halle Berry up with some decent lines. If I hear “What happens to a magnet when it gets struck by lightning?” I will fly to Hollywood, slap every screenwriter, director and producer and demand my money back.
In the words of the ineffable Stan Lee: ’Nuff said.
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Pretty White Kids
So the CW has a new show called "Gossip Girl," which is a ground-breaking high concept show about rich white socialites with drug problems. Which is...amazing because I don't think we have enough of those shows on the air *cough*Sweet 16, Newport Beach, The Hillz, Real Housewives, everything on Bravo*cough*.
Honestly, can there be just one full-hour show that deals with relevant issues...or showcase (gasp!) a minority?!! Why do people keep repackaging the same bullshit drama? Between this show, Veronica Mars, Gilmore Girls, and One Tree Hill, I just want to rename every show on the CW "Caucasians are Crazy." I feel like nothing would be lost in translation.
This is just plain disappointing. I seriously suspect that the CW just stands for Cool to be White. I feel like now the network that represents me is The Weather Channel. At least, they make passing references to Jamaica, even if the reference usually is "A hurricane has recently blown through Jamaica."
Honestly, can there be just one full-hour show that deals with relevant issues...or showcase (gasp!) a minority?!! Why do people keep repackaging the same bullshit drama? Between this show, Veronica Mars, Gilmore Girls, and One Tree Hill, I just want to rename every show on the CW "Caucasians are Crazy." I feel like nothing would be lost in translation.
This is just plain disappointing. I seriously suspect that the CW just stands for Cool to be White. I feel like now the network that represents me is The Weather Channel. At least, they make passing references to Jamaica, even if the reference usually is "A hurricane has recently blown through Jamaica."
Monday, August 27, 2007
Unemployment Black Male Seeks...
I’ve perused Craigslist for 3 hours today, searching for the perfect day job and all I’ve come up with are low-paying receptionist gigs and writing internships. And I can no longer bring myself to send out resumes that are going to get trapped in SPAM filters. Or even worse go to interviews where I’m told that I’m unqualified (“Sorry sir, but your college degree, writing experience, and knowledge of the alphabet just isn’t right for the position of filing assistant”).
Here’s my counter-ad: Single Black Comedian seeks Super-Flexible Employer to provide a dream job. Job should be in the writing or humor fields. Job must offer at least $60K/year (no need to be greedy), start at 12 noon and end by 6 PM (because everyone needs beauty rest), good health benefits (i.e. medical and dental), unlimited internet access, and at least 4 weeks vacation time plus 4 weeks of sick days. Connection to entertainment agents/comedy bookers desired but not required.
Is this asking too much?!? Alright, then no internet access to porn sites. Wish me luck!
Here’s my counter-ad: Single Black Comedian seeks Super-Flexible Employer to provide a dream job. Job should be in the writing or humor fields. Job must offer at least $60K/year (no need to be greedy), start at 12 noon and end by 6 PM (because everyone needs beauty rest), good health benefits (i.e. medical and dental), unlimited internet access, and at least 4 weeks vacation time plus 4 weeks of sick days. Connection to entertainment agents/comedy bookers desired but not required.
Is this asking too much?!? Alright, then no internet access to porn sites. Wish me luck!
Friday, August 24, 2007
Field Trip!
Recently, a couple of friends and I took a field to Ye Olde Porno Store on 42nd Street and boy was it interesting! First of all, the whole place smells like used vibrators and smegma. Second of all, everything was on a maximum discount. It was like wholesale porn all over the place. For a second, I thought I was going to handed a book of coupons.
We perused such titles as "Catch Her In The Eye," "Cushion For The Pushin," and "Sperm Bank." Though my favorite title by FAR was "She Shoved A Dildo Up My Ass 4" - a movie that, appropriate enough, involves females placing various toys into a man's rectum. There are many reasons why I love this title (the least of which being that it was the fourth in the series). I wish I could have sat in on that ad meeting.
Boss: Okay people it took us a week to make this blockbuster. Now all we need is a catchy title.
Ad Exec #1: Well what about Knockin' On Heaven's Back Door?
Boss: Ugh, too corny!
Ad Exec #2: How about Up The Chute Without a Paddle?
Boss: Hmmm, I don't know if it really conveys the correct amount of passion for back-door play.
Ad Exec #2: Rubber Riders?
Boss: Too gender neutral.
Ad Exec #1: Well, I'm out of ideas.
Boss: Okay let's ask the star. Hey what do you think?
Male Porn Star: Well I dunno, [shrugs, finishes a line of coke on the table] she shoved a dildo up my ass.
Boss: She Shoved A Dildo Up My Ass!!?? Brilliant! Let's make it a whole franchise.
Sure the title leaves nothing to the imagination but I guess you can't blame them for falsely advertising.
We perused such titles as "Catch Her In The Eye," "Cushion For The Pushin," and "Sperm Bank." Though my favorite title by FAR was "She Shoved A Dildo Up My Ass 4" - a movie that, appropriate enough, involves females placing various toys into a man's rectum. There are many reasons why I love this title (the least of which being that it was the fourth in the series). I wish I could have sat in on that ad meeting.
Boss: Okay people it took us a week to make this blockbuster. Now all we need is a catchy title.
Ad Exec #1: Well what about Knockin' On Heaven's Back Door?
Boss: Ugh, too corny!
Ad Exec #2: How about Up The Chute Without a Paddle?
Boss: Hmmm, I don't know if it really conveys the correct amount of passion for back-door play.
Ad Exec #2: Rubber Riders?
Boss: Too gender neutral.
Ad Exec #1: Well, I'm out of ideas.
Boss: Okay let's ask the star. Hey what do you think?
Male Porn Star: Well I dunno, [shrugs, finishes a line of coke on the table] she shoved a dildo up my ass.
Boss: She Shoved A Dildo Up My Ass!!?? Brilliant! Let's make it a whole franchise.
Sure the title leaves nothing to the imagination but I guess you can't blame them for falsely advertising.
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
The Show From Heaven
I could cry right now.
I got a chance to host a show tonight for City of Light Productions at the Kraine Theatre. The thing is I found out about the gig the day before and I had NO IDEA what the heck kind of show it would be. I was just told to show up at the place two hours before. For a second, I thought I was going to be kidnapped and sold into sexual slavery.
So I'm super nervous about the whole deal. And I get to the venue and it's this huge variety show of sketch comedy/improv comedy/music/play readings. It's all dancers and singers who have this breadth of experience and my credits involve being on a game show, hosting a comedy show for 8 months, and making my rounds on the "illustrious" open mic circuit. Sure I have the President Jackson show but the past Monday was rough and I did two open mic sets Tuesday where I just crashed (and paid $12 to bomb - not a pretty picture).
The producers tell me to have fun but not be dirty. In case you saw from previous entries, I'm not good at not being dirty. I'm feverishly going through my notebooks to piece together something that will appeal to people who are really there to see music and dance (i.e. the tangible talents). As a rule of thumb, the MC is barely supposed to be seen and heard. And lone stand-up comedians always fail at these types of shows.
I wait backstage, trying to be nonchalant and the DJ calls up my name to host. I go out there and do some minor crowd-work then do some jokes...and the audience gets me! All the jokes and riffs actually hit. I thought I died and went to comedy heaven.
I swear everyone in the audience was fantastic! At the end of the show, people actually chanted my name! It was the first time I heard "CALVIN!" without it being followed by "Get off the stage!"
The whole show was amazing as well! April Brucker did her ventriloquist bit, which I always enjoy. Kristine Petruchione (I'm so sorry for effing up your name numerous times!) did a great burlesque number. Punch 59 was a fantastic sketch group that had a Christians vs. Jews bit. There was Jared the Conjurer who managed to escape from a burlap sack inside a cardboard box. Kara Ayn did a reading of 23, which was soooo funny (and also dirty, I don't know why I was worried about my own stuff). No Laugh Track Required did some great improv. Elizabeth Styles performed a new song off an album she shopped around (it was excellent!). And Lala closed the show with a killer song and dance number.
This is what a showcase should be. It was great to see talented people get rewarded for being talented. I'm tired of seeing comics get on stage and make in-jokes to other comics. I'm so tired of this pervasive stand-up scene where everything is one big circle jerk. And it was great to not just do real material, but to do real material that I know is solid!
I will try to put up some links and there may be a Youtube vid floating around soon.
Thank you so much Juan and Jason for giving me the opportunity to host. The whole show was amazing!
And big-ups to my pal Warren for coming to see the show. I really appreciate it man!
I got a chance to host a show tonight for City of Light Productions at the Kraine Theatre. The thing is I found out about the gig the day before and I had NO IDEA what the heck kind of show it would be. I was just told to show up at the place two hours before. For a second, I thought I was going to be kidnapped and sold into sexual slavery.
So I'm super nervous about the whole deal. And I get to the venue and it's this huge variety show of sketch comedy/improv comedy/music/play readings. It's all dancers and singers who have this breadth of experience and my credits involve being on a game show, hosting a comedy show for 8 months, and making my rounds on the "illustrious" open mic circuit. Sure I have the President Jackson show but the past Monday was rough and I did two open mic sets Tuesday where I just crashed (and paid $12 to bomb - not a pretty picture).
The producers tell me to have fun but not be dirty. In case you saw from previous entries, I'm not good at not being dirty. I'm feverishly going through my notebooks to piece together something that will appeal to people who are really there to see music and dance (i.e. the tangible talents). As a rule of thumb, the MC is barely supposed to be seen and heard. And lone stand-up comedians always fail at these types of shows.
I wait backstage, trying to be nonchalant and the DJ calls up my name to host. I go out there and do some minor crowd-work then do some jokes...and the audience gets me! All the jokes and riffs actually hit. I thought I died and went to comedy heaven.
I swear everyone in the audience was fantastic! At the end of the show, people actually chanted my name! It was the first time I heard "CALVIN!" without it being followed by "Get off the stage!"
The whole show was amazing as well! April Brucker did her ventriloquist bit, which I always enjoy. Kristine Petruchione (I'm so sorry for effing up your name numerous times!) did a great burlesque number. Punch 59 was a fantastic sketch group that had a Christians vs. Jews bit. There was Jared the Conjurer who managed to escape from a burlap sack inside a cardboard box. Kara Ayn did a reading of 23, which was soooo funny (and also dirty, I don't know why I was worried about my own stuff). No Laugh Track Required did some great improv. Elizabeth Styles performed a new song off an album she shopped around (it was excellent!). And Lala closed the show with a killer song and dance number.
This is what a showcase should be. It was great to see talented people get rewarded for being talented. I'm tired of seeing comics get on stage and make in-jokes to other comics. I'm so tired of this pervasive stand-up scene where everything is one big circle jerk. And it was great to not just do real material, but to do real material that I know is solid!
I will try to put up some links and there may be a Youtube vid floating around soon.
Thank you so much Juan and Jason for giving me the opportunity to host. The whole show was amazing!
And big-ups to my pal Warren for coming to see the show. I really appreciate it man!
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Mounting Fees
It's official; I have to buy a camera! My fame is catching up with me and I don't have a video or audio of myself floating around the Webiverse. So I'm going to break down and buy a half-decent camera with money I don't really have. Can someone drop a $1,000,000 lottery ticket on the floor right now? Please??!?! For serious - a brutha is po' right now.
Plus, check my MySpace link. Due to popular demand (and by that I mean the demand of my 1 and only 1 devoted fan), I have finally updated my MySpace calendar so you can all see the lovely shows I'll be doing for the next couple months. Most are free, some are auditions - you should come. So that one day, I'll land a Comedy Central Special and pay you back for all the 2 drink minimums and shitty shitty small back rooms you supported me through.
Plus, check my MySpace link. Due to popular demand (and by that I mean the demand of my 1 and only 1 devoted fan), I have finally updated my MySpace calendar so you can all see the lovely shows I'll be doing for the next couple months. Most are free, some are auditions - you should come. So that one day, I'll land a Comedy Central Special and pay you back for all the 2 drink minimums and shitty shitty small back rooms you supported me through.
Saturday, August 11, 2007
Back To My Roots
So, my stint as a theatre actor has ended, not with a whimper, nor a bang.
I am back to doing stand-up which you should see soon...or better yet now!
I'll be doing a rough cut at Studio 315 a.k.a. the Comedy Corner.
Comedy Corner - The Workout:
303 West 42nd Street (go to 42nd Street, enter thru right side, go up to the 3rd floor and go to room 315)
TIME: 8:00 PM - 9:30 PM
DRINKS: $5 on Grey Goose and Tonics
COST: $5 (but it's worth it!!!)
And of course, there is my weekly show at Pinetree Lodge! It's going to be a hot show in the even hotter city Monday night.
President Jackson Show:
326 East 35th Street (between 1st and 2nd Ave)
TIME: Mondays 9:00 PM - 10:00 PM
Drink Specials: 2-for-1 draft beers and well drinks ($5 only, yes please!)
Cost: FREE!!!!!
Finally, what's up with the British invasion??!?! Between Amy Winehouse (or Amy Crackhouse - come on, please get your life together), M.I.A. (who's pretty much global), and Lily Allen, I think I should apply for dual citizenship.
I am back to doing stand-up which you should see soon...or better yet now!
I'll be doing a rough cut at Studio 315 a.k.a. the Comedy Corner.
Comedy Corner - The Workout:
303 West 42nd Street (go to 42nd Street, enter thru right side, go up to the 3rd floor and go to room 315)
TIME: 8:00 PM - 9:30 PM
DRINKS: $5 on Grey Goose and Tonics
COST: $5 (but it's worth it!!!)
And of course, there is my weekly show at Pinetree Lodge! It's going to be a hot show in the even hotter city Monday night.
President Jackson Show:
326 East 35th Street (between 1st and 2nd Ave)
TIME: Mondays 9:00 PM - 10:00 PM
Drink Specials: 2-for-1 draft beers and well drinks ($5 only, yes please!)
Cost: FREE!!!!!
Finally, what's up with the British invasion??!?! Between Amy Winehouse (or Amy Crackhouse - come on, please get your life together), M.I.A. (who's pretty much global), and Lily Allen, I think I should apply for dual citizenship.
Wednesday, August 08, 2007
De-lay, Boss, De-lay: An Open Letter To The MTA
Dear MTA,
Today it took me 2 hours to get into work. Apparently because of a big bad thunderstorm all train service was delayed, which is marginally understandable. I take my usual bus (which is never on time) to the 2 line. I was told the 2 is closed but I could take a bus to the F.
Cool! I get on said bus, which is packed with people, very sweaty irritable people, and ride out the dankness. The bus goes from "We're making all stops" to "Our last stop will be at the Q station. The station is not open. This bus is going out of service." Que? And then when I asked your employees about how I can get to the train I need, all I got were apathetic stares and eye rolls.
I then walk 20 blocks to the F (because every bus in the city is either packed or "out of service") to get on an overcrowded train to transfer to another overcrowded train. And not only do I have the honor of getting to swap sweat with my fellow riders and stand next to someone whose breath smells like cat anus, my commute comes complete with someone coughing phlegm into my newspaper.
Now I understand that the weather was bad and things are hectic, but how are you going to have a bus driver drop people off at a train station that BY THE DRIVER'S OWN ADMISSION isn't open? Come on MTA, that's fucking retarded! Why are buses going out of commision for no reason?? Why weren't more trains re-routed to support stranded riders??? And then you want to propose a fare hike????!!
In sum I want $7, $6 for the cost of transportation and $1 for my paper (I know it was free, but I'm tacking on labor and sweat taxes).
Thanks again for the hell ride and please go fuck yourselves,
Calvin
Today it took me 2 hours to get into work. Apparently because of a big bad thunderstorm all train service was delayed, which is marginally understandable. I take my usual bus (which is never on time) to the 2 line. I was told the 2 is closed but I could take a bus to the F.
Cool! I get on said bus, which is packed with people, very sweaty irritable people, and ride out the dankness. The bus goes from "We're making all stops" to "Our last stop will be at the Q station. The station is not open. This bus is going out of service." Que? And then when I asked your employees about how I can get to the train I need, all I got were apathetic stares and eye rolls.
I then walk 20 blocks to the F (because every bus in the city is either packed or "out of service") to get on an overcrowded train to transfer to another overcrowded train. And not only do I have the honor of getting to swap sweat with my fellow riders and stand next to someone whose breath smells like cat anus, my commute comes complete with someone coughing phlegm into my newspaper.
Now I understand that the weather was bad and things are hectic, but how are you going to have a bus driver drop people off at a train station that BY THE DRIVER'S OWN ADMISSION isn't open? Come on MTA, that's fucking retarded! Why are buses going out of commision for no reason?? Why weren't more trains re-routed to support stranded riders??? And then you want to propose a fare hike????!!
In sum I want $7, $6 for the cost of transportation and $1 for my paper (I know it was free, but I'm tacking on labor and sweat taxes).
Thanks again for the hell ride and please go fuck yourselves,
Calvin
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
Work Sux, I Know!
Best Bonding Sesion Ever:
Me: You know Dad, sometimes I find it so hard to get up to go to work.
Dad: Welcome to the world. I'm taking today off; don't tell mom.
(If you're reading this, sorry mom!)
Me: You know Dad, sometimes I find it so hard to get up to go to work.
Dad: Welcome to the world. I'm taking today off; don't tell mom.
(If you're reading this, sorry mom!)
Friday, August 03, 2007
OjOs: An Off-Broadway Play
Come see OjOs: a play I'm in. Betcha didn't know I could act, didja?? Hell I didn't know I could act but we'll see.
The play has been going on for a while and Friday (tonight) is a free show! The play will also run next week Sunday - Friday: tickets are $12.
Location:
Studio 315 NYC
303 W42nd Street, 3rd Floor (right off 8th Avenue; go through the door on the right)
646-330-4662
Seating starts at: 7:00 PM
Tickets available via: www.DarkMoonNYC.org
The play has been going on for a while and Friday (tonight) is a free show! The play will also run next week Sunday - Friday: tickets are $12.
Location:
Studio 315 NYC
303 W42nd Street, 3rd Floor (right off 8th Avenue; go through the door on the right)
646-330-4662
Seating starts at: 7:00 PM
Tickets available via: www.DarkMoonNYC.org
Thursday, August 02, 2007
How Popular Am I?
So I recently signed up for this Google Analytics thingy which does some sort of stie tracking or some junk (I'm so inter-web-savvy, can't ya tell?). Basically, I want to see how many people actually visit this thing, in case I should cut my losses and invest in putting info on a stock ticker over Times Square.
So far, it says 0 hits which is sad. Sigh, it's like sitting around at your own birthday party and waiting for people to show up. Except this blog doesn't offer free booze so the incentive really isn't there.
Oh right! I also have to start re-posting past articles. I think I'll do that soon. Maybe that will drive up the counters, or stats or whatever.
Here's where you can see 'em all at once: Wesleyan Argus Search!
I'll still post super-specials up here though. The next one is an oldie that may only apply to people under 25, but then again the statistics show that that's my best demographic so...we'll see.
So far, it says 0 hits which is sad. Sigh, it's like sitting around at your own birthday party and waiting for people to show up. Except this blog doesn't offer free booze so the incentive really isn't there.
Oh right! I also have to start re-posting past articles. I think I'll do that soon. Maybe that will drive up the counters, or stats or whatever.
Here's where you can see 'em all at once: Wesleyan Argus Search!
I'll still post super-specials up here though. The next one is an oldie that may only apply to people under 25, but then again the statistics show that that's my best demographic so...we'll see.
Wednesday, August 01, 2007
Two-Fare Zone
I live in the middle of nowhere in Brooklyn. In order to get home, I take a train, to a bus, to another bus, hail a rickshaw to take me across a rainbow bridge, answer a riddle from a Sphinx, wrassle up a unicorn and ride down a yellow-brick road. It. Sucks. Balls.
It's a pain in the ass when you have to wait on a bus AND a train. Cuz if both of these are late, you are beyond effed. Adn buses in NYC sucks all kinds of ass. Sure there are less nutcases than there are on the train but that's because most buses are so late that the crazies get tired of waiting for them. And what's with the stank attitude from bus drivers? It's not my fault you chose that job out of the sorting hat - suck it up!
I've been trying to move to anyplace close to a train, but since this is NYC (Land of trust fund hipsters and cocaine-addled yuppies), I'd have to sell some organs to get a decent studio (which sucks because I only have so many, but then again if I sell organs I won't have to eat as much, so maybe I COULD afford an overpriced cave).
Seriously can someone send me a link or e-mail me a super-secret connection that everyone else seems to have except me? I won't tell anybody, promise!
In fact, just e-mail me; don't even send a link. I don't want my other fans to know.
It's a pain in the ass when you have to wait on a bus AND a train. Cuz if both of these are late, you are beyond effed. Adn buses in NYC sucks all kinds of ass. Sure there are less nutcases than there are on the train but that's because most buses are so late that the crazies get tired of waiting for them. And what's with the stank attitude from bus drivers? It's not my fault you chose that job out of the sorting hat - suck it up!
I've been trying to move to anyplace close to a train, but since this is NYC (Land of trust fund hipsters and cocaine-addled yuppies), I'd have to sell some organs to get a decent studio (which sucks because I only have so many, but then again if I sell organs I won't have to eat as much, so maybe I COULD afford an overpriced cave).
Seriously can someone send me a link or e-mail me a super-secret connection that everyone else seems to have except me? I won't tell anybody, promise!
In fact, just e-mail me; don't even send a link. I don't want my other fans to know.
Monday, July 30, 2007
Comic On Comics #1: Bendis Truly Needs To Suck It
[BE WARNED: This is a super-long comic book rant. Non-Marvelites would do well to skip this one-shot issue]
Okay, I like comic books. I don't have enough money to actually BUY the comics but I will go to a store and read as many comics on the racks as I can. I feel bad doing this so I buy a comic or two I really like off the rack to show support for the franchise.
I just started getting into non-X-Men characters (and comic books in general) about 2-3 years ago and I try to broaden my horizons. Hell, I wanted to advocate comic books as a valid piece of literature. And then I read Brian Michael Bendis' Avengers--cue horror theme music.
I read older Avengers stories done by Kurt Busiek, skimmed stuff by Geoff Johns, read some Steven Englehart and was blown away. I assumed I would like Bendis' take too. But between the super-fugly-assed art in New Avengers and the complete lack of story in both New and Mighty Avengers, I am so tempted to stop buying anything from comic book stores. Mr. Bendis, I'm sick of you!
For those of you who don't know comics, here's a brief recap of the Avengers As Written By Bendis. In the beginning there was a super-team of A-list Marvel heroes. They did things like stop super-villains from taking over the world, or foiled the long-term plans of cosmic entities, or travelled through time to stop despots. Then Bendis came along and, for reasons too convoluted and retarded to get into, superhero and Avengers backbone Scarlet Witch has a massive power boost and goes ape-shit crazy (because in the Marvel-verse, that's what women do when they have too much power) and tries to kill all of her teammates. The Avengers disassemble.
Then, a couple of A-Listers decide they want to work with C, D, and F-List superheroes and be pro-active. These heroes call them the New Avengers (because THAT'S original). The first story arc involves them tyring to stop a breakout where the Sentry (think of him as gold Superman) fights a villain in space. The second arc has a fight with random thug super-villain #1077 while the Sentry angsts about...uh...something and then goes into space to hit things.
Then the Avengers fights ninjas, for no reason, oh wait there is a reason, it's to prove that one of the Avengers is a traitor. Cut to two pointless issues with loads of talking that doesn't go anywhere (though I give +100 points for dusting off Ms. Marvel - whose comic is effing awesome and restores my faith in humanity - go Brian Reed!).
Next a big energy creature attacks the Avengers and the problem is solved by (you guessed it) Sentry throwing the energy ball in space.
Then the New Avengers disassemble (and for those of you who are celestially inclined, yes there is a scene with the Sentry in space...thinking!). After a godawful one-shot issue that does a "Where Are They Now" with Scarlet Witch and one of the Avengers she killed and the much-maligned Marvel Civil War (more on that another time), we now have two sets of Avengers (one New and the other Mighty!).
The New Avengers are fighting an assload of ninjas again (Seriously, how are there so many ninjas in the Marvel-verse? Do they get good dental?) and the Mighty Avengers are fighting a hot naked robot chick trying to destroy the world using (wait for it) satellites...in space. Cut to: Sentry in space hitting things.
Seriously Bendis, can you go for one story arc without having a super-powered hero dash into space to rip something apart? Oh wait, you can if it involves a never-ending army of ninjas (and note: mentioning IN COMIC that fighting ninjas is stupid does not make ninja-fighting deeper or more relevant). Can you just write a story with a beginning, middle and end?! Can you not spend issues showing off your innovative (and shittily stilted) dialogue?! Can you not do a rush-job plot-dump issue after wasting time with overly long and mostly irrelevant flashbacks? Can your characters DO SOMETHING?
I understand that most people who complain about Bendis are supposedly dinosaurs who can't get used to a changing world. But I'm only 23 and I just started seriously reading comic books. I picked up older stuff by Kurt Busiek and it's very gripping, mainly because he had things like A PLOT and GOOD PACING and MYSTERIES THAT WERE SOLVED and A SENSE OF CHARACTER AND CONTINUITY. It did not resort to tactics like "I'm going to break the internet in half by having characters talk for 5 issues" or "Hey look remember when you haven't seen this character do anything useful in 15 years?! Well I'm going to make up a new backstory and then refuse to do anything remotely interested with that character."
Wow, I can't believe this man is being touted as the best thing to ever happen to Marvel. And the artwork in New Avengers is abysmal. It's drawn by a gimp monkey with a stick dipped in ink. My God! Ugh, I mean before Bendis the only comics writer I hated this much was Reginald "Hey I'm black and all black superheroes know each other and need to segregate and move to pan-Africa" Hudlin (God those early Black Panther issues made me want to strip away my melanin - Marrying Black Panther off to Storm, a character from a completely different part of Africa, because they're both dark-skinned? Dr. Doom racist AND sexist??? Seriously????).
Bendis, you need to learn how to move characters from point A to point B in ONE ISSUE. You need to actaully explore and use character histories. And until you can write a half-decent plot that doesn't involve space or ninjae, you need to suck it. 'Nuff said.
Okay, I like comic books. I don't have enough money to actually BUY the comics but I will go to a store and read as many comics on the racks as I can. I feel bad doing this so I buy a comic or two I really like off the rack to show support for the franchise.
I just started getting into non-X-Men characters (and comic books in general) about 2-3 years ago and I try to broaden my horizons. Hell, I wanted to advocate comic books as a valid piece of literature. And then I read Brian Michael Bendis' Avengers--cue horror theme music.
I read older Avengers stories done by Kurt Busiek, skimmed stuff by Geoff Johns, read some Steven Englehart and was blown away. I assumed I would like Bendis' take too. But between the super-fugly-assed art in New Avengers and the complete lack of story in both New and Mighty Avengers, I am so tempted to stop buying anything from comic book stores. Mr. Bendis, I'm sick of you!
For those of you who don't know comics, here's a brief recap of the Avengers As Written By Bendis. In the beginning there was a super-team of A-list Marvel heroes. They did things like stop super-villains from taking over the world, or foiled the long-term plans of cosmic entities, or travelled through time to stop despots. Then Bendis came along and, for reasons too convoluted and retarded to get into, superhero and Avengers backbone Scarlet Witch has a massive power boost and goes ape-shit crazy (because in the Marvel-verse, that's what women do when they have too much power) and tries to kill all of her teammates. The Avengers disassemble.
Then, a couple of A-Listers decide they want to work with C, D, and F-List superheroes and be pro-active. These heroes call them the New Avengers (because THAT'S original). The first story arc involves them tyring to stop a breakout where the Sentry (think of him as gold Superman) fights a villain in space. The second arc has a fight with random thug super-villain #1077 while the Sentry angsts about...uh...something and then goes into space to hit things.
Then the Avengers fights ninjas, for no reason, oh wait there is a reason, it's to prove that one of the Avengers is a traitor. Cut to two pointless issues with loads of talking that doesn't go anywhere (though I give +100 points for dusting off Ms. Marvel - whose comic is effing awesome and restores my faith in humanity - go Brian Reed!).
Next a big energy creature attacks the Avengers and the problem is solved by (you guessed it) Sentry throwing the energy ball in space.
Then the New Avengers disassemble (and for those of you who are celestially inclined, yes there is a scene with the Sentry in space...thinking!). After a godawful one-shot issue that does a "Where Are They Now" with Scarlet Witch and one of the Avengers she killed and the much-maligned Marvel Civil War (more on that another time), we now have two sets of Avengers (one New and the other Mighty!).
The New Avengers are fighting an assload of ninjas again (Seriously, how are there so many ninjas in the Marvel-verse? Do they get good dental?) and the Mighty Avengers are fighting a hot naked robot chick trying to destroy the world using (wait for it) satellites...in space. Cut to: Sentry in space hitting things.
Seriously Bendis, can you go for one story arc without having a super-powered hero dash into space to rip something apart? Oh wait, you can if it involves a never-ending army of ninjas (and note: mentioning IN COMIC that fighting ninjas is stupid does not make ninja-fighting deeper or more relevant). Can you just write a story with a beginning, middle and end?! Can you not spend issues showing off your innovative (and shittily stilted) dialogue?! Can you not do a rush-job plot-dump issue after wasting time with overly long and mostly irrelevant flashbacks? Can your characters DO SOMETHING?
I understand that most people who complain about Bendis are supposedly dinosaurs who can't get used to a changing world. But I'm only 23 and I just started seriously reading comic books. I picked up older stuff by Kurt Busiek and it's very gripping, mainly because he had things like A PLOT and GOOD PACING and MYSTERIES THAT WERE SOLVED and A SENSE OF CHARACTER AND CONTINUITY. It did not resort to tactics like "I'm going to break the internet in half by having characters talk for 5 issues" or "Hey look remember when you haven't seen this character do anything useful in 15 years?! Well I'm going to make up a new backstory and then refuse to do anything remotely interested with that character."
Wow, I can't believe this man is being touted as the best thing to ever happen to Marvel. And the artwork in New Avengers is abysmal. It's drawn by a gimp monkey with a stick dipped in ink. My God! Ugh, I mean before Bendis the only comics writer I hated this much was Reginald "Hey I'm black and all black superheroes know each other and need to segregate and move to pan-Africa" Hudlin (God those early Black Panther issues made me want to strip away my melanin - Marrying Black Panther off to Storm, a character from a completely different part of Africa, because they're both dark-skinned? Dr. Doom racist AND sexist??? Seriously????).
Bendis, you need to learn how to move characters from point A to point B in ONE ISSUE. You need to actaully explore and use character histories. And until you can write a half-decent plot that doesn't involve space or ninjae, you need to suck it. 'Nuff said.
Friday, July 20, 2007
Hypotheticals (or Even In A Dream, I Can't Stop Doing Schtick)
So I had a dream where a friend of mine asked me "If you were a crackhead, would you rather suck dick for crack or take it up the butt for crack?"
And I said "Well if I'm a crackhead, wouldn't I just prefer crack? That's like the definition of crackhead; crack trumps everything."
And then I thought, "Wow, this is something I should write down in my notebook, and subsequently my blog because that could be spun into some comedy gold."
And then I thought, "When did I become so self-important that I feel a need to tell the world that I came up with a shaky premise for a joke, and why didn't I lie and say I was actually talking to a real friend than a dream friend? That makes me look like I have no friends."
And then I realized that I didn't actually think those statements, I said them out loud. In the office I work at. So now everyone thinks I should be straitjacketed. And a straitjacket would be nice, because this office gets really cold in the mornings.
And I said "Well if I'm a crackhead, wouldn't I just prefer crack? That's like the definition of crackhead; crack trumps everything."
And then I thought, "Wow, this is something I should write down in my notebook, and subsequently my blog because that could be spun into some comedy gold."
And then I thought, "When did I become so self-important that I feel a need to tell the world that I came up with a shaky premise for a joke, and why didn't I lie and say I was actually talking to a real friend than a dream friend? That makes me look like I have no friends."
And then I realized that I didn't actually think those statements, I said them out loud. In the office I work at. So now everyone thinks I should be straitjacketed. And a straitjacket would be nice, because this office gets really cold in the mornings.
Thursday, July 12, 2007
Something To Check Out
In case you've ever had one of thsoe nights and need to understand what the hell just happened, check this out
It's so sad that Wikipedia has articles to define everything. Seriously did you know there is an article focused on the Hadouken. And the fireballs are rated by amount of immolation. Who cares? It's a guy in a headband doing something that is physically impossible. W-evs!
I'm also trying to test how effective these hyperlink deals are. Also, I'm wasting precious work time. But I have to stay late anyway so I don't know what's up.
Life Irony: Is it bad when you're procrastinating at work by reading about procrastination?
It's so sad that Wikipedia has articles to define everything. Seriously did you know there is an article focused on the Hadouken. And the fireballs are rated by amount of immolation. Who cares? It's a guy in a headband doing something that is physically impossible. W-evs!
I'm also trying to test how effective these hyperlink deals are. Also, I'm wasting precious work time. But I have to stay late anyway so I don't know what's up.
Life Irony: Is it bad when you're procrastinating at work by reading about procrastination?
Saturday, June 23, 2007
Up-And-Coming Stuff
SATURDAY (6/23): Comedy Corner (303 West 42nd Street off 8th Avenue):
Okay this is complicated. You go in through the right side entrance on 42nd Street, go upstairs to the 3rd floor and go to Room 315. It's a great little studio.
COST: $5
SUNDAY (6/24) Stand-Up NY: Comedy Combo #3 (236 West 78 Street off Broadway)--8:30 PM
Helen Hong and Maria Shehata hosts this great comedy show that features Michelle Buteau and Mike DiStefano...as well as me! As seen at Mo Pitkins!
COST: $10 + 2 drinks
MONDAY (6/25): Pinetree Lodge (326 East 35th St. bet 1st and 2nd Avenue)--8:30 PM
Joe Dixon and I host this weekly show with established talent and newer comedians doing their thang. There is a comedy contest where some lucky person can win $20 of our money (and that's half our paychecks--so it's kind of a big deal).
COST: FREE!
...and there may or may not be something big coming up soon. Keep your eyes, ears and e-mails open!
Okay this is complicated. You go in through the right side entrance on 42nd Street, go upstairs to the 3rd floor and go to Room 315. It's a great little studio.
COST: $5
SUNDAY (6/24) Stand-Up NY: Comedy Combo #3 (236 West 78 Street off Broadway)--8:30 PM
Helen Hong and Maria Shehata hosts this great comedy show that features Michelle Buteau and Mike DiStefano...as well as me! As seen at Mo Pitkins!
COST: $10 + 2 drinks
MONDAY (6/25): Pinetree Lodge (326 East 35th St. bet 1st and 2nd Avenue)--8:30 PM
Joe Dixon and I host this weekly show with established talent and newer comedians doing their thang. There is a comedy contest where some lucky person can win $20 of our money (and that's half our paychecks--so it's kind of a big deal).
COST: FREE!
...and there may or may not be something big coming up soon. Keep your eyes, ears and e-mails open!
Comedy In The Park = Fun!
I did my first show in the park. It. Was. Awesome. Seriously, my faith in comedy has been restored. Suzette Simon hosted and organized it with the help of Aaron Kominos-Smith, Drew, and David (I think?) Plus two friends of mine came out. A woman came up to me after the show and said "You were really good. I remember seeing you a year ago and you are much improved." Wow, a year ago already. I was grateful to hear that; I also felt a year closer to Alzheimer's. Sigh, it's always good to feel like I'm making headway.
Shout-outs to Del, Ted Greenberg (and his improv), Charlie Kasov, Phil O'Reilly, Jimmy Wohl, Upa, Adam Lash, Dave Lester, Sue Ferrer (love ya mommy!) and Freddy Sheffield/Miguel Pinata for doing their thang! I hope the laughs continue.
Please check le website provided below for more details.
www.nylaughs.org
Finally can someone help me set up a proper hyperlink? Because Blogger is being a penis and will not do it the easy way! WTF?! Not cool, i-peeps, not cool.
Shout-outs to Del, Ted Greenberg (and his improv), Charlie Kasov, Phil O'Reilly, Jimmy Wohl, Upa, Adam Lash, Dave Lester, Sue Ferrer (love ya mommy!) and Freddy Sheffield/Miguel Pinata for doing their thang! I hope the laughs continue.
Please check le website provided below for more details.
www.nylaughs.org
Finally can someone help me set up a proper hyperlink? Because Blogger is being a penis and will not do it the easy way! WTF?! Not cool, i-peeps, not cool.
Friday, June 22, 2007
So Much Desert, So Few Oases
I've been having a good comedic run the past couple of days. I just had my birthday. I hosted a Monday show at Pinetree Lodge and did a set at Luca Lounge and they both went well. I had faith in my career again!
Then I did an open mic and things fell by the wayside. Basically the host told me not to curse or do anything illicit. WHAAA? Asking me to be clean is like having me do comedy with my mouth duct-taped shut. So I trying to work from 5 different notebooks of material, doing completely untested bit, half-aborted lines, and the like. Some of it flatlines, others hit--but at the end of the set I just felt like I'd been battered. And then the host goes, "Well we all falter but you need to practice more."
WTF? I came there with 5 minutes of all new stuff I wanted to work and I couldn't do any of it because of censorship. Then you tell me to whip up a squeaky clean set out of thin air--I can't do that. Moreover, I don't like vague unspecific advice. I've bombed before at much better places than a sparsely attended room. You tell me I need to "practice?!" Duh, that's why I'm at the open mic. Seriously, I'm not some walk-in off the street with low self-esteem and a baggy of cyanide! My God!
Okay...that was way too much anger. But you know, that's how I feel about comedy. It's like we're in a love-rape relationship. I want to romance it and it just wants to fuck me without a condom and then lose my number. Ugh--I'm going to shake it off as a low point and go forward. Sorry for the tirade.
TODAY--FRIDAY: Tompkins Square Park
I'm doing a set in Tompkins Square Park, bringing ha-has to the homeless and heroin-filled. It should be fun though. Check nylaughs.org for more info.
Other shows TBA, in a separate non-rage filled entry.
Then I did an open mic and things fell by the wayside. Basically the host told me not to curse or do anything illicit. WHAAA? Asking me to be clean is like having me do comedy with my mouth duct-taped shut. So I trying to work from 5 different notebooks of material, doing completely untested bit, half-aborted lines, and the like. Some of it flatlines, others hit--but at the end of the set I just felt like I'd been battered. And then the host goes, "Well we all falter but you need to practice more."
WTF? I came there with 5 minutes of all new stuff I wanted to work and I couldn't do any of it because of censorship. Then you tell me to whip up a squeaky clean set out of thin air--I can't do that. Moreover, I don't like vague unspecific advice. I've bombed before at much better places than a sparsely attended room. You tell me I need to "practice?!" Duh, that's why I'm at the open mic. Seriously, I'm not some walk-in off the street with low self-esteem and a baggy of cyanide! My God!
Okay...that was way too much anger. But you know, that's how I feel about comedy. It's like we're in a love-rape relationship. I want to romance it and it just wants to fuck me without a condom and then lose my number. Ugh--I'm going to shake it off as a low point and go forward. Sorry for the tirade.
TODAY--FRIDAY: Tompkins Square Park
I'm doing a set in Tompkins Square Park, bringing ha-has to the homeless and heroin-filled. It should be fun though. Check nylaughs.org for more info.
Other shows TBA, in a separate non-rage filled entry.
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